I was in a relationship with my fiancée for four years, including a three-year engagement, but it fell apart in the end. I started to become distant because I was struggling with my own life—dealing with unemployment, an unhealthy lifestyle, and depression. Whenever we tried to talk things out, she would criticize and blame me, which only made things harder. She didn’t offer any emotional support and kept asking me to do things for her when I was mentally struggling.
After a fight, we stopped talking for a while, and a few days later, she refused to meet me. I reached out multiple times, hoping that this break would make our bond stronger. Then, she eventually told me that she had started dating a coworker, with no explanation or closure. I’m almost certain she had him lined up well before things ended. We had plans to get married in the next few months, and now it’s all gone.
I’m filled with mixed emotions; I miss her and the moments we shared, but I can't look back after the way she ended things and tore me apart. I insisted on meeting her in person for closure, but when we met, she showed no remorse. She said something I’ll never forget: "He did more for me in three weeks than you did in four years," and "I moved on to someone who knows my worth."
I acknowledge that our relationship wasn’t in a great place and that I could have shown more appreciation at times, but the way she dropped me and betrayed my trust was truly hurtful and unforgivable.
Last updated on:2024-10-17T15:05:20+05:30
Comments (15)
Focus on the positive aspects of your life and the people who support you.
You'll find someone who truly appreciates you and treats you with respect.
It's important to set boundaries and protect yourself from further hurt.
It's okay to feel angry and resentful, but try not to hold onto those negative emotions.
Her new relationship doesn't define your value.
It's natural to miss her, but it's also important to remember your worth.
Maybe she was also struggling, but that doesn't justify her actions.
Her words were cruel and insensitive. You deserve someone who appreciates you.
It's okay to feel a mix of emotions. Grief is a complex process.
It's unfair that she ended things so abruptly and without any consideration for your feelings.
Deeply sorry to hear about your heartbreak. It sounds like you went through a lot, and her behavior was incredibly hurtful.
Hi, Firstly, I want to express how courageous it is for you to share your story. It's clear that you’ve been through a deeply challenging period, and it takes a lot of strength to even articulate these painful feelings. The way you've tried to reach out and seek closure shows your commitment to understanding and possibly mending the situation, which is commendable.
It seems like this advice might be helpful, but again it might not, so feel free to discard whatever isn't helpful. The end of an engagement, especially under such unexpected and hurtful circumstances, can feel like a profound loss not just of the relationship but also of future plans and shared dreams. It’s natural to experience a whirlwind of emotions, and it’s important to allow yourself space to feel them without judgment.
One technique that might offer some relief is known as cognitive restructuring, a concept from Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (CBT). It can help challenge and change the painful thoughts that may be intensifying your distress. For instance, when you remember your ex-partner’s hurtful remarks, you could write them down and then beside them, write more balanced thoughts about your own worth and capabilities. It’s not about dismissing the pain but about providing a more compassionate and comprehensive view of the situation to yourself.
Here’s how you can do this exercise:
Keep a journal. Whenever you catch yourself stuck on a particularly painful thought, write it down.
Challenge this thought: Is this really true? Is there another way to look at this situation? Is there evidence that contradicts this thought?
Write a more balanced thought next to it. For example, instead of dwelling on "I wasn’t enough for her," you might jot down, "I was going through a tough time, and it’s human to not always be able to meet others’ expectations. My worth isn’t defined by this one aspect."
You might or might not feel like answering these, and that's completely fine. You can reflect on them privately if you choose. Was there ever a time during your relationship when you felt truly supported or understood by your fiancée? Additionally, looking back, can you think of moments where you felt proud of how you handled challenges in your relationship or personal life?
Lastly, I want to remind you that healing takes time, and each small step you take towards understanding and accepting your feelings is progress. You've shown a lot in the way of self-awareness and a desire to heal, which is truly admirable. I sincerely wish you the very best on this journey toward healing and finding peace. Remember, though it may not always feel like it, you are moving forward and you are not alone.
I’m sorry you’re going through this homie. This is very similar to what I went through with my ex fiancee. She ended up leaving me for an ex she hadn’t talked to in 5 years who “suddenly” re appeared. No real closure other than her projecting and blaming me for things she was doing and just trying to avoid accountability. It sucks when you don’t really have closure or answers and you just have to navigate life without someone you thought would always be around good times or bad.
The only real thing I can tell you is time helps, but doesn’t completely heal. You have to find that closure internally for yourself because if you walk around aimlessly expecting it from her it will probably never come. Take it from someone who has hoped and prayed for years she would give me the closure I need. I realized in a roundabout way it wouldn’t happen and that’s what ultimately gave me closure.
It’s cliche to say but focus on yourself in this period. The things that aren’t working out for you, the things you can do better on. The things that will make you happier. Become a better person and a healed person for you and the rest of life will come together accordingly. Don’t let this be a defining moment that leads to your defeat, but rather to your rise and triumph.
I appreciate the kind words, and I'm so sorry you had to go through such experience... it's really difficult to deal with betrayals like these, like why don't they at least break up with you respectfully for the sake of all those years... But you know i'm going through this, I just got a new job recently (the same week we broke up), it's not gonna change everything but a new start is awlays helpful. One can only take it up to the chin and move forward in times like these.
sorry that you are going through this. what she did sounds cruel to me.maybe she had her reasons but how she dealt with things is absolutely deplorable. suffer you stop looking back and move on.