It’s been less than a day, and I still can’t calm down. Last night, I woke up three times, taking hot baths to find some comfort in the warmth. I haven’t eaten since I found out, just managed some coffee, water, and a sip of Coke. My body is reacting—dry-heaving from hunger, nausea, or maybe just the shock of losing my best friend of three years. Just the day before, she talked about our future together—getting married and growing old. I don’t blame her; she’s going through so much right now, but I know I can be the support she needs as she finds herself. I don’t want to overwhelm her and risk losing her forever, but it’s hard to resist the urge to reach out. We did exchange some texts last night, making sure we were both safe—it meant a lot given our struggles with mental health.
She’s my best friend, and I truly believe if anyone can stay close, it’s us. I just wish I didn’t feel the constant pull to text her every small thing, like letting her know I made it to therapy safely. I crave even just sitting on the phone together, watching our favorite shows in silence, but none of that happened. She said she always wants me in her life, and despite the pain, I can’t imagine losing her. We even have plans to meet an actor we like in December, and she mentioned still wanting to go together as friends.
It’s frustrating to hear there was nothing I could’ve done differently. We’ve been through so much together, always there for each other through the hardest times. Sometimes, the people closest to us get caught in the crossfire when life gets rough. I thought we both understood that in our relationship. When she didn’t answer my call the morning we broke up, I sensed something was wrong. It wasn’t a decision we made together—she had already decided, and now, here we are.
I couldn’t sit still yesterday, pacing constantly. I even started packing some of her things for when we eventually meet up. There’s a box of Christmas and birthday presents in my closet that I had for her, gifts meant to make her smile. Now, I don’t know what to do with them. Maybe I’ll give some to her, or maybe I’ll just keep switching between staying in bed until I shake, and shocking myself with ice-cold and burning hot water like I’ve been doing for hours.
Last updated on:2024-10-18T12:30:18+05:30
Comments (6)
It sounds like you've been through a lot together. That bond is strong. Focus on healing, and I'm sure you'll find a way to navigate this difficult time.
I'm so sorry you're going through this. Losing a best friend is incredibly painful. Remember to take care of yourself first. You're grieving, and that's okay.
It's incredible to see how many others are experiencing similar struggles simultaneously.
You clearly still care a lot about her. However, it’s important to consider how she feels about you. She must have her reasons for believing you two can’t be together. When she says there’s nothing you could have done, it reflects her feelings toward you. Perhaps she has been struggling with these feelings more than you realize. She didn’t want to break your heart, which is why she may have even told you lies she believed herself just the day before. She loves you, but it’s not to the same extent as you love her. I don’t think it’s wise to stay friends with her. I’ve tried that before, thinking we could manage it, but it was heartbreaking. You have them as a friend, but you can never cross that line again, and being constantly reminded of what you once had can be painful.
Be open with her about your feelings; let her know you need to hear the truth, no matter how hard it is. Things may not improve immediately, but with time, they will. If you feel like your story together isn’t finished, then take action. She might change her mind if she’s struggling with personal issues and unintentionally associates those feelings with you. Ultimately, don’t forget to prioritize your own happiness, not just hers.
i feel that. tc ❤️
this is heart wrenching
i can't imagine what you are going through! much love