Three years ago, my friend—let’s call him Rim—and I admitted we had feelings for each other

Three years ago, my friend—let’s call him Rim—and I admitted we had feelings for each other. At that time, we’d been friends for three years, but the previous year we’d become especially close, as I’d returned to college after being home during COVID. When I went back, Rim and I started spending a lot of time together. I’d just started dating someone a month before, though, so for a while, Rim and I were just friends. After a couple of months, I realized I had real feelings for him. Once I knew, I broke things off with my boyfriend. But by then, Rim had already started dating someone new. Out of respect for his relationship, I decided to gradually distance myself from him.
About six months later, we ran into each other and had a conversation where he asked how I was doing. I ended up admitting that I had feelings for him and couldn’t be friends anymore. I didn’t mean to disrespect his relationship; I just needed to be honest with him so I could move on. To my surprise, he admitted he had feelings for me too. He said that the timing was always off—first, I was in a relationship, and then he was. He told me his current girlfriend didn’t have as much “baggage” as he thought I did, that he couldn’t give me the love I deserved, and that he was more committed to her. Still, he said he loved and cared about me a lot and wished things could have been different, but we needed to move on.
In hindsight, there were clues that Rim liked me. He once mentioned he never laughed as much with his other friends and that, with me, it felt like no time passed even if we hadn’t seen each other for a while. At the time, I was still with my boyfriend, so I shut down the thought, even though I felt the same way. Not long after that, he got a girlfriend. We had great chemistry and often teased each other, staying up late to talk about life.
Looking back, I can’t help but wonder if we would have ended up together if I hadn’t started dating the other guy. Or if I hadn’t shut down our connection when I did, maybe he wouldn’t have started dating his girlfriend. It’s been two years since we shared our feelings, and I’m still heartbroken over it. I miss him so much—not just romantically, but as a friend. Losing him has been so painful, and I constantly want to share life updates with him and wonder how he’s doing.
Since that conversation, we haven’t really spoken, but sometimes we run into each other because we go to the same event occasionally. He’s kept up with my life, congratulating me on things and liking my Instagram stories. Eventually, though, this was too much for me because it made moving on harder, so I removed him from my friends list. He ended up blocking me, and when I ran into him later and asked him about it, he said his girlfriend had asked him to block me.
That was the last time we spoke. Now, a year and a half later, he’s unblocked me out of nowhere, which has stirred up all these old feelings. I can’t help but wonder if we’re meant to end up together someday, once (or if) he and his girlfriend break up. Sometimes, I wonder if he’s “white-fanging” me—pushing me away for what he thinks is my own good.

Last updated on:2024-11-12T16:27:41+05:30