So I (25F) and my fiancé (24M) have been together for almost 2 years

So I (25F) and my fiancé (24M) have been together for almost 2 years, engaged for about 1 year. From the start I had this feeling something wasn’t right especially with him. I love him so much but my heart’s been shattered twice now. I’m all for giving 2 chances but that’s it.
At first everything seemed fine, but after the first year I started noticing he’d be texting super fast on FB Snapchat Insta then quickly shutting his phone off and putting it down. It bothered me at first but I let it slide because he promised me he wouldn’t hurt me wouldn’t lie about serious stuff and no one would have the same access to him that I did. He said we’d always be honest no matter how much the truth hurt and I trusted him.
Fast forward to a few months ago, after we got engaged. Around September, that gut feeling came back. So I asked him to sit down and talk. He’s always been on his phone—he’s just that type of person—but I needed to ask him some serious questions. We had just moved into a camper still getting stuff from the old place. I find it so hard to clean or pack without someone there talking to me or helping (I’m not a stay-at-home wife I work long hours and get exhausted). Anyway we sit down and I already have my engagement ring off. No way I’m letting him delete anything before we talk.
I ask for his phone and after some hesitation he gives it to me. He denies everything I ask about, says there’s no one else. But when I go through his phone, I find him buying explicit photos of women—way skinnier than me (I’m 5’3, 162 pounds). Some of them even looked like they were from adult websites. We get into this huge argument because I caught him in lie after lie. I stay calm but inside I’m shaking crying, asking why he would do this when I was ready to give him everything. He says he doesn’t know why he kept doing it that he used to do it when he was single and lonely. I’m just... confused.
At this point I’m screaming crying asking if I’m good enough. I can’t believe this is happening. I end up leaving to get some space and not bring all my past trauma into this. Before I leave he asks if I’m coming back tonight and I’m like I don’t know I need time to think. I go to my friends house cry vent and text him. A few hours later I decide to go back home. When I get there he had left too and gone to his cousin’s place. We talk things out and he’s crying putting my ring back on telling me I’m the only one he wants that I’m his everything and he needs help. I agree to give him a second chance but only if he goes to couples therapy. He says yes and I pass out from all the stress. The next day I’m dealing with depression and self-doubt.
We go to our first therapy session and it seems like it’s going okay. But about a month later I have that feeling again. After a nap one day I notice his phone was ringing. When he gets off the call I see a message from someone I don’t recognize. He hides it and I ask him about it later. He says there’s no problem with me looking through his phone. But when I check I can’t find the message. I know he deleted it. So I go through his Snapchat and find videos of him explicit texts and plans to meet up with someone. Turns out it’s one of his old high school friends’ sisters—someone he said I had nothing to worry about. I’m crushed numb and don’t even remember the conversation we had after that.
I woke up from a nightmare about him and her. I’m still losing sleep over it and I’m at a total loss. I want this relationship to work. It’s not my first engagement but the trust is gone. He shoed me a message saying he couldn’t do anything with her and that he wants to fix things with me. But deep down I don’t feel like he truly loves me. Even if I leave I have nowhere to go and I have my ESA cat with me. I’m just lost. Can anyone help me or shed some light on this situation?

Last updated on:2024-11-25T18:03:30+05:30