Honestly I don’t even know where to start but I need some advice. It's hard to explain everything so here’s the gist I’m really stuck on my last situationship and it’s wrecking me. Feels like it’s ruined my life. So I was seeing this girl in uni for about 6 months. She’d stay over like 3-4 nights a week and when it was good it was so good. She had everything—looks personality fun vibes great in bed style. On paper she was perfect. but yeah how we got together was messy. She was in a year-long relationship with some guy who went to uni in a different city. She was friends with my housemate so she was always around. There was crazy tension between us and eventually she cheated on him with me. Twice. She dumped him that weekend and we were together after that. I know huge red flag.
I’d have done anything for this girl but she treated me like crap—didn’t wanna be seen with me in public ignored my feelings and just... toxic vibes. But I was hooked. For every 5 bad things she did one little thing would pull me right back in. Some of my best memories are with her—we spent days just chilling together, and it felt amazing.
Then a few months in it all fell apart. After a long convo one night I asked her to be my girlfriend. She said you already know the answer which meant no. She even said if we dated I’d probably just cheat on you too even though she claimed she loved me. That destroyed me.
I saw her kissing some guy at a club and it broke me. A week after we ended I overheard her telling my housemate that she slept with someone else. She was right outside my room talking about how cute their chats were and how she took his hoodie. It was like I meant nothing. I cried for days.
We hooked up once after that but it didn’t fix anything. I poured my heart out to her, and she cried, saying she couldn’t go through that again. She’d still come up to me on nights out saying things like you know we’re gonna get married right? or I love you but then she’d act like I didn’t exist a few days later.
I finally cut her off even from our mutual group. I couldn’t handle seeing her so I started hanging with other people. By the end of the semester I avoided her as much as I could. She said she understood why I distanced myself but she still wanted to be friends. I couldn’t do it. In May I moved back home for work.
She spent the summer traveling and is now in Canada. At some point during her travels she randomly blocked me on Instagram—for no reason that I know of. And yeah it was the day before my birthday so that birthday sucked.
Recently I saw her socials on someone else’s phone and it crushed me. She looks like she’s living her best life making new friends and having fun. Meanwhile I’m over here still thinking about her and all the good times we had every single day. I go out try to socialize, but just end up feeling worse.
I’ve done all the post-breakup stuff—leveled up hooked up with other people got in shape fixed my style rebuilt old friendships—but it still feels like I’m stuck. I’ve even had thoughts about ending it all. I wouldn’t actually do it but it’s scary how much losing her has messed me up. It feels like she was everything to me and I was nothing to her. Makes me wonder is any of this even worth it?
A big part of it is I always felt like I was punching above my weight with her. She’s 2 years younger and has so many exciting years ahead of her. I feel like I’ll never find anyone as good and seeing the attention she gets online just confirms she could replace me so easily.
I’ve deleted all her photos blocked her friends and got rid of everything that reminds me of her. I’ve erased all traces of her from my life but she’s still stuck in my head. I think about her every day and I just wanna know—how do I make this pain stop?
Last updated on:2024-11-28T16:02:13+05:30
Comments (4)
The only way to deal with this pain is to face it and get through it. Don't fall for shortcuts; they're just quick fixes that won't last. Let yourself feel everything and remind yourself it's okay to feel like this. Oh and therapy's a solid move if it fits your budget. Good luck!
I tried therapy back then but they were just saying stuff I already knew. I get that she’s not good for me, but it doesn’t change how I feel.
@Hims20P I feel like therapy isn’t really about finding answers or solutions you know? It’s more about getting a fresh perspective like a neutral one. And the therapist kinda keeps reminding you of those truths until you accept them and make peace with it. That’s when you actually start moving on and shifting how you see life. Hope everything starts clicking for you soon!
@Everett Thanks, I know you're right but it's just hard to see sometimes. I should probably stop looking at her pics so much I think that'll help.