Been going back n forth on whether to post this or not

Been going back n forth on whether to post this or not, but here we are. Just hoping it clears my head a bit.
So hey, I’m 21, musician working at a music store in my hometown. I get hit with waves of anxiety and depression sometimes but I’d say I’m generally an optimist. Only thing I really hate is the Yankees lol.
A little over a year ago I quit my job to go study audio engineering out west. Two months before leaving I met this girl on a dating app. We clicked hard and hung out a lot before I left. She was amazing my first love and yeah she took my virginity. I told her upfront I’d be gone for almost a year and she might wanna move on but she insisted we could make long distance work. She said a lot of things I wanted to hear and I fell hard.
Fast forward I left for the desert feeling like life was finally coming together. Except… school wasn’t it. Felt like I was back in high school, and my anxiety hit a new level. I leaned on her for support but after a month and a half she said she couldn’t do a relationship anymore. She told me I wasn’t the problem it was her anxiety and stuff she was working through. Still hurt like hell though.
We stayed friends and texted every day but things felt off. She seemed more distant and eventually I dropped out and came back home partly for her. I thought I could fix things.
Got back just before my 21st birthday. She said she’d see me but day of she claimed her parents made her bring a friend along. I was bummed and told her how I felt and things blew up. That convo ended with her saying we couldn’t talk or stay in each other’s lives anymore. I was wrecked. Tried texting her calling trying to understand but it just pushed her further away. One time I told her I loved her and she laughed. That broke me.
A month later she hit me with a random 3AM hey text. She apologized for how she treated me and wanted to be friends. I told her I couldn’t do the just friends thing and she ghosted me again.
Another month passed. I saw her on a dating app which spiraled me into texting her about how I still cared. No reply. Sent her a birthday card still nothing. Then one day she posted a pic kissing another guy removed me on social media and deleted all our old pics. It’s been 8 months since we last talked. I’ve been healing working staying creative but dating’s been rough. I still think about her sometimes wondering if I’ll run into her or her friends. Part of me still thinks we had something rare and special even if it was short.
Posting this to hear others’ takes especially from womn on how to move on. If you read this far thanks for listening to my messy story. I doubt she’ll see this but if she does… I hope she’s happy and doing okay.
Sorry this is so long I needed to vent. First time posting here and yeah feels weird but maybe it’ll help. Thanks again ??

Last updated on:2024-12-02T12:55:29+05:30