Hey so I don’t really post much because of anxiety and insecurity but right now I'm kinda like "fuck it"

Hey so I don’t really post much because of anxiety and insecurity but right now I'm kinda like "fuck it". I just need some reassurance and want to hear others' stories so I know I’m not alone.
I’m 26 and just broke up with the girl I’d been seeing for a few months. We met online went on some great dates and after the third one—where we had a cute picnic in the park—she hit me up saying she was having a good time but just got out of a relationship. She thought she was ready to date again but realized she wasn’t. Me being the hopeless romantic I was already falling for her so it kinda hurt. She was sweet about it though and I told her I’d love to still be friends because I liked her as a person.
Fast forward to months later we kept in touch and had a solid connection. Then one night things got kinda flirty on her end. She even texted me at like 1 a.m. telling me to come over. I was stoked, honestly—I'd been holding onto feelings for her, so this was a dream come true. The only issue was I was on a 2-week dig for school so I couldn’t make it. But we kept the flirty vibe going and it was like next-level chemistry. When we finally met I couldn’t stop smiling and we had an amazing night.
But then while holding her she told me she still wasn’t ready for a relationship. It felt like a punch in the gut after everything that had happened. I should've asked for clarity right then, but I figured she just wanted to take things slow, so I was cool with it. Months go by we stay flirty but life gets in the way. We barely see each other and I start to feel like I’m way more invested than she is. I wanted to talk about it but my anxiety had me stuck in the worst-case scenarios.
Last night I told her it felt distant between us. She replied that she’s not in the right headspace to give me the commitment I deserve, and she was super honest and sweet about it. I told her I appreciated it and I didn’t want to lose the connection. Everything ended pretty smoothly, no drama.
Then I cried. Some people might say "it wasn’t that serious you’ll find someone else but I’ve got ADHD anxiety and depression. When I click with someone I go all in, and it’s draining when I don’t. I don’t vibe with a lot of people and that makes me feel super alone. So finding someone like her felt like a rare thing, and I’m scared to lose it. Plus, my last relationship was toxic, so this woman felt like a breath of fresh air. But life’s been rough—uni’s hard social life’s non-existent and the housing market’s a nightmare. She was really the only bright spot, and now I just feel like an idiot for thinking it would turn into more.
Some people said she might’ve used me, but she was upfront from the start. She didn’t want to lead me on or jump into anything. I think it’s just classic miscommunication. I should’ve been clear from the start about wanting more. I kept holding onto the hope that if I just gave her space and time maybe we’d end up together. But I stayed quiet because I wanted to keep living in that fantasy.

Last updated on:2024-12-02T15:33:13+05:30