It’s been a day since we broke up

It’s been a day since we broke up. He said he couldn’t do this anymore and now I can’t breathe. I’m not sleeping, not eating, not even drinking—every second feels like I’m drowning. Everything is so heavy,like I’m trapped in a darkness I can’t get out of. I wake up crying and the tears don’t stop. My face is puffy my eyes are burning and my chest feels like it’s caving in.
I just wanna disappear like fade into nothing because maybe then the pain wouldn’t feel this loud. My life is falling apart and in a few days I have to face my kid again knowing the family she dreamed of is gone. I feel like it’s my fault and the guilt is swallowing me whole. It’s like a weight sitting on my chest and I can’t escape it.
He was the first person I’ve loved in over 8 years and now I can’t stop hearing his words. I can’t do this anymore. It’s on repeat tearing me up. I broke us. I hurt him in a way I never thought I could. I really thought I was healing thought I could love him right but I wasn’t enough. I failed him and now I’m stuck in the mess I made. I wanted to be better for him love him the way he deserved but I couldn’t. I thought I was okay but now I’m drowning in regret. Every memory of him is like a knife cutting deeper and deeper and I’m realizing just how much my trauma has wrecked me. My fear my dissociation—it ruined the one thing I cared about most. And to top it off he’s my neighbor so his car is a daily reminder of everything I lost.
I’m just walking in a haze reaching for something I know I’ll never have again. The pain doesn’t stop. It’s there when I breathe when I think when I just try to exist. I wish I could undo all of it—take back the words the mistakes everything I let fall apart. But I can’t. It’s too late.
I know I need to heal but right now it’s just pain. It’s heavy, and it’s endless and I don’t even know how to move forward when it feels like I’m the reason everything shattered

Last updated on:2024-12-09T13:30:00+05:30