So I was with my ex for almost 11 months. I know it’s not that long but since we’re in different countries and he travels way more than I do we’ve been through it. We’re also from totally different cultures and emotional vibes. I thought we were good—like yeah, we had two big fights about kinda the same thing, but I really thought we were working on it. Then two nights ago he hit me with the I don’t wanna be with you anymore and gave me these reasons:
don’t see the world like he does. Basically I’m not as goofy or jokey as him. It’s not like I’m not happy I’m just more chill about it. Plus English isn’t my first language so my jokes don’t always land. I tried explaining that but he said it’s too big of a thing to just hope it works out. He feels like we don’t fully get each other yet so we can’t fully be ourselves. Those two big fights? They were over me being curious (not judging) about a book he liked and me getting called out for bad posture at dinner. He said I don’t “make sense” to him and he’s not empathetic enough to try.
He jokes around so much that it sometimes feels like bullying but he says it’s not meant to hurt. He just thinks laughing through everything is his way of being positive. I respect it, but I don’t vibe with it the same way. Honestlythat side of him was why I fell for him—it helped me cope with stuff too. But I’ve got my own baggage like being sexually abused by my ex-therapist and my dad rejecting me. So yeah, I try to stay optimistic, but I’m careful about it.
The real gut punch? He went out three nights ago and some girl asked if he had a girlfriend. He said yes but when she asked if he loved me he said no. I kinda get it like, we’ve been apart more than we’ve been together physically. But I love him. Deeply. I thought I found someone who could handle both the good and messy parts of me without judgment. Love looks different for everyone, and I thought being together more would change that for him.
We had so many plans. We were gonna travel for two months, then he’d come live with me for four months. We waited eight months for this and seeing him soon was the one thing keeping me sane on bad days.
We talked about moving in together retirement plans all the countries we’d visit. We even had this dream of building a sanctuary for abandoned dogs.
Now just like that it’s over. He won’t even wait till we’re face-to-face to have this convo. He’s made up his mind.
feel empty and so brokenLike,. I wan wait till we’re face-to-face to have this convo. He’s made up his mind.
feel empty and so broken. Like, I wannanna shut my brain and heart off. But at the same time, I just wanna talk to him.
What do I even do now? Please help me out.
Last updated on:2024-12-16T11:15:20+05:30
Comments (2)
Long-distance relationships take a lot of effort. I was in one for years. We lived in different countries but met up a few times a year for about a week each time.
First off not everything has to be jokes and smiles all the time. That’s just not realistic—life isn’t always fun. Sometimes it’s tough or stressful and those moments need calm or even seriousness. Comfortable silences are a thing too. Plus there are boundaries with humor. Some topics are just off-limits and it’s okay to feel sensitive and set those boundaries. Caring about your partner’s feelings should always come first.
11 months is plenty of time to know if you love someone. I loved my LDR partner within weeks. S everyone’s different but almost a year feels like enough time to figure that out. I’m not sure what advice to give. Based on what you’ve shared, it kind of sounds like there might be some incompatibility here.
I guess it is what it is. Feels too early to give up, and maybe that’s why I’m the one left heartbroken.