I (24M) met this girl (27F) back in May and we clicked right away. I’ve done more with her than anyone else I’ve dated and it started off great but now things feel kinda messy.
I work on cruise ships so I’m gone a lot but my current contract ends Jan 25, and I’m planning to switch to a job with less travel. Because of my schedule I don’t see her often but when I’m home we spend a lot of time together doing fun stuff like Disney World trips. Early on I asked her what she wanted and she told me she was fresh out of a 1.5-year relationship and still lived with her ex. She said she’s over him but still processing. I told her no rush—I’m into her and neither of us is seeing other people. I’ve just been waiting for her to be ready to date officially even though we pretty much act like a couple. She just hasn’t been ready to commit yet. Here’s where it gets tricky. I found out her ex doesn’t even know about me. They still follow each other on social but he lives in Russia. One night before I left for a cruise we went to dinner and she got this long text from him. She came back from the bathroom crying saying he had sent her this huge message. She told me he’d reached out after her birthday to wish her happy birthday and I asked if he knows about me—she said no.
I even brought her on one of my cruises during her birthday and we had an amazing time. She let me introduce her as my girlfriend (but reminded me we’re not official). She was super affectionate the whole trip and I thought everything was great. But after we got back her vibe changed. She said she’d post some pics from the trip but wouldn’t tag me. She did post but none of the photos included me. Then on her third post she deleted my comment I had such a great time with you :). When I asked about it she said we’d talk later in the week. She acted normal after but it really hurt and I started pulling back.
Her family and friends know about me but it feels like she’s hiding me from someone—probably her ex.
I’ve had most of October off but just left for a 24-night cruise. I feel stuck. I like her a lot but it seems like there’s stuff she’s not telling me. I’ve done a ton for her—like giving her a 9-night cruise for free—but her mixed signals are so confusing. One minute she talks about our future like we’re gonna date and the next she’s distant. She’s told me I treat her better than anyone else has but she’ll also say she doesn’t deserve me because I’m too nice.
We met up before I left and I told her I felt disrespected about the comment situation. She flipped it saying my comment made her feel pressured. Then she brought up me not wanting to watch her dog and made me out to be the bad guy. She said she threw out my toothbrush and couldn’t believe I was dying on this hill when I’m the only guy she’s spending time with. I ended up apologizing. She said I broke her trust and wasn’t sure she could forgive me, then told me she needed time and space. She said I could reach out but “it wouldn’t be the same and she might not reply. I was emotional and told her I hoped we could talk when I’m back and she just said, Maybe.
Now I’ve been on this cruise for 3 weeks and I get back in a few days. We haven’t talked since. She’s been liking my Instagram posts, and I’ve liked some of her stories. The other day I liked her story and then she posted this petty quote Self-respect is when you stop being easily available to people who never prioritize you.That hit hard because it feels like she’s waiting for me to reach out when she’s the one who wanted space. I want her to reach out when I’m back but I’m scared she won’t if I don’t make the first move.
I miss her a lot but my friends keep telling me she’s not good for me that she’s stringing me along and that she’ll never be ready for a real relationship. I get back tomorrow and I don’t know if I should wait for her or reach out first. Am I in the wrong here?
This has been dragging on for like 7 months now.
Last updated on:2024-12-16T15:02:15+05:30
Comments (1)
She's definitely not over her ex. Deleting your comment and leaving you out of her pics? Super manipulative. She probably did that so her ex won’t see you on her profile. She's trying to stay available just in case he comes back into the picture. Honestly some people just can’t let go.
She does like you just not in the way you want. Looks like you’re kind of her backup. After your fight that plan’s gone. You called her out on her games now she’s mad you figured it out and is trying to flip it on you. But it’s not your fault. You’re way more into this than she is.
Time to move on. Accept it’s over and that it’s not on you. Be grateful for the good times. There’s more to come, trust. If sending her a last message helps you get closure go for it but don’t expect a reply. Just thank her for the time you had. There’s plenty more people out there. You got this King.