Ok so this isn’t really my vibe usually, but I gotta get this off my chest, and I can't even tell my therapist about it. I’ve been stuck on the same person for years. No bad vibes or anything — we were just kids when we dated, people change. We're still best friends even after breaking up, and honestly, that makes it harder.
With my BPD my attachment to them is intense like next level. We’ve tried not talking but it’s just not an option. Life’s moved on relationships have come and gone but I can’t be with anyone else. I’ve tried to push down what I feel ride it out distract myself — all of it. They know how I feel and I think deep down they feel the same. But I don’t think they’ll ever really accept it.
So here’s the thing — I’ve decided I’m gonna live my life solo. If I want kids I’ll go the reproductive tech route or whatever. My heart is just theirs no matter what I do. They’re my soulmate. I know we’re meant to be but I also know I can’t keep holding onto that hope.
I can’t even bring this up to them anymore. It’s my battle now. I miss being loved by them more than anything. I’d give up everything just to hear them say I love you one more time.
I’m sorry, and thanks for letting me share this.
Last updated on:2024-12-16T16:25:27+05:30
Comments (6)
I feel you, honestly. I've been stuck on the same person for years too and I can't imagine loving anyone else. If she didn’t feel the same it wouldn’t even matter. But it’s heartbreaking like I'm walking through life alone without my soulmate my best friend. She’ll always have my heart and it hurts so much knowing we’ll never be together. I’ll just keep loving a ghost a memory. Her smile is still stuck in my head always there and I miss her so much. I'd do anything for this to be real for her to just say she loves me back.
What’s so special about this person?
Such a good question. This is the only person who’s ever really looked past my appearance and the chaos in my head and just loved me for me. I never felt judged opening up to them like ever. I could ask for reassurance all the time—even though I know it’s kinda annoying—but it’s something I need and they understood that. We’d try new stuff go on adventures and even just chilling at home felt like the best thing ever.
I fell for the idea that someone could trust and love me as much as I do them. Even now I know I could cry in their arms if I needed to. I’ve never met anyone else I care about this deeply. It’s like we protect each other and there’s this understanding that no one else could have because we grew up and went through so much together. I don’t laugh or smile the same way with anyone else. We know each other better than anyone ever could.
I’m not even interested in experiencing another kind of love. It’s wild to think it’ll stay like this forever we’ve agreed we’ll try to be friends for life if we can. Honestly, I could win an Oscar for how well I’d have to fake being okay if I lost them. It’d feel like the air just disappeared from my lungs.
@sayiluvu I lowkey teared up reading this... I feel the same way about my ex she was the one and my heart’s still with her... I’m really sorry to hear your story but it’s comforting to know we’re not alone in this
Wish I had some advice to share hope you're holding up this whole thing's rough… sending good vibes your way!
Trying thanks a lot :)