How can losing someone I never even had hurt this much?

How can losing someone I never even had hurt this much? It's honestly worse than any physical pain I've been through feels like I've been stabbed or something. I keep trying to tell myself to move on like I know it's unhealthy but I just can't it feels impossible. I've been feeling nauseous my heart's been racing in the low hundreds I haven’t been hungry and sleep's been a joke sometimes going over 24 hours with no rest. I’ve been bottling everything up for the past week and honestly I can’t do it anymore. I need to vent get this pressure off and hopefully start healing.
I met this girl a few months ago at a party we clicked instantly and ended up swapping numbers. After that we texted and called every day and hung out every weekend on our days off. I was falling for her fast.
So yeah I’m dumb and have this bad habit of playing the long game cause I’m scared that if I move too fast I’ll seem desperate or just a creep. Plus I didn't wanna ruin our friendship cause I really liked spending time with her. One weekend we couldn’t hang out and I didn’t think much of it she probably had stuff to do. We finally hung out the next weekend and little did I know that day would turn into one of the worst of my life. Most of it was good but towards the end she hit me with the news that she started seeing someone. My heart dropped and all I could say was that’s nice happy for you while I tried not to cry or let my voice break. On the way home I had to pull over a couple of times cause I was crying so much. I stayed up for the next 40 hours just thinking about her and all the what ifs.
We still talk now but it’s not the same. It’s just the usual small talk like Hey how’s it going? Good you? I’m good too. She’s invited me to hang out with her and her boyfriend but I feel like it's out of pity. I’d be miserable the whole time not trying to be the third wheel so I turned it down.
I just feel lost mourning a future that’s never gonna happen. I messed up and it’s all on me. I’ll never be with her and even if her relationship doesn’t last I’ve definitely been friend zoned so there’s no chance. I’ve never been this into someone which makes it sting even more. This hurts more than any breakup I've had. Maybe it’s better we didn’t hook up. If losing someone I never had feels like this I can’t even imagine how it would’ve felt if I had actually been with her and then lost her.

Last updated on:2024-12-29T19:55:39+05:30