okay so i’m 25 and started dating this 20 year old. yeah yeah age gap whatever but she works goes to uni she seemed mature af.
at the start tho? i was lowkey toxic. like if she even LOOKED at another guy i’d get weird. probably abandonment issues or something. i told her clubs made me uncomfortable. i raised my voice during fights. she said she felt like she was in prison with me. that hurt but… fair.
she broke up with me. then came back. i said i’d change. sounds cliché but i actually did. stopped yelling. stopped interrogating her about where she’s going. gave her space.
around christmas we argued again. she mentioned some video about a former addict switching to lighter drugs. i got triggered and shut it down. i’ve seen friends ruin their lives over drugs so yeah sensitive topic. later we talked calmly i thought we were good.
then boom. breakup again. she said she doesn’t feel like herself around me and feels scared to bring up certain topics. i told her it was just THAT subject not everything. somehow i got another chance.
fast forward to valentine’s day. i take her out vibes are good. but whenever she gets upset she runs to her mom’s for a few days then comes back and breaks up with me. it’s like a pattern at this point.
tha night she randomly says she feels like i’m not attracted to her. i reassure her. she goes quiet says she’s going to her mom’s. i get frustrated and tell her this is what she always does. leaves breaks up then expects me to beg and apologize 500 times to get her back.
she leaves anyway. and yeah. breaks up with me again.
we’re still texting. she removed me from location sharing so it feels more serious this time. but we’re still talking and it lowkey feels like she’s waiting for me to start the apology marathon again.
i genuinely don’t get what i’m doing so wrong. couples argue. that’s normal right? isn’t the whole point to work through stuff instead of hitting the breakup button every time there’s conflict? why does it keep ending like this every single time?
Last updated on:2026-02-26T22:46:03+05:30
Comments (6)
when she says she doesn’t feel like herself around you, do you feel like you can fully be yourself around her either? or are both of you kind of walking on eggshells at this point
she avoidant
the on-off pattern was more damaging than the actual arguments. arguments are normal. but breaking up every time there’s tension? that started feeling like emotional whiplash.
It sounds to me like she's an avoidant.Every couple is going to argue or disagree on things, and the fact that you were willing to try to be more mature and put in the work, and she still kept withdrawing, tells me that she's not ready to invest in this relationship. And going around in circles is exhausting and not fair to you.
i was the jealous one too at the start. raised my voice, tried to control little things because i was scared of losing her. then when i actually worked on myself, it still wasn’t enough. the constant breakup cycle? i lived that. leave, come back, make me GROVEL, repeat. it messes with your head and makes you question if you’re the villain every time
there’s really no such thing as the Right person. were humans and definitely we have issues we make mistakes we say things we dont mean and act in ways that aren’t right.but what really matters in a relationship is that both parties work together and make same effort to make things work between them. that what makes a relationship work not the amount of mistakes or the arguments or the fights. sometimes it’s only one party that puts sooo much effort to change and make things work that vibe has to be reciprocated or else things keep happening in same circle. yes you like her you both are good people but are you compatible for each other. the boths of you could be great people individually but together yall may not be compatible, you have to ask yourself these questions. does she make aa much effort as me to make this relationship work? are we compatible?.. do i feel like myself when im with her?. if im going to give my honest take breaking up frequently in a relationship is not a healthy sign but i understand that sometimes it soo hard to let goo because your either physically or emotionally attached to that person, its create a boundary to which you feel you cant leave, even if you so it hurts. And if im being real i feel she’s not really Happy in the relationship,frequently judging from the constant break ups. im not going to tell you whether to go or stay because that choice is soley yours but for once put yourself first, relationships are supposed to grow you not drain you, their supposed to make you happy not question yourself, relationships is a place of peace not emotional instability. consider this factors and ask yourself genuinely if this relationship has been fruitful to you in any way, either spiritually or emotionally, ARE YOU REALLY HAPPY.I really hope this helps ❤️❤️❤️
And also the fact your girl keeps ending things with you when she visits her mum. means from my perspective i feel she’s struggling to detach from you, she can do that with the right environment that supports that decision but when she comes back home alone she struggles to stand on that decision, due to either emotional or physical attachment.