I’m a 21-year-old female, and two weeks ago, I told my best guy friend of 5 years that I really liked him (I downplayed my feelings because I wasn’t sure I could handle rejection, but the truth is I’m completely in love with him). He responded by saying he sees me as one of his closest friends and doesn’t want to lose me, but he only feels a platonic connection. Since then, I haven’t seen him, even though our close-knit friend group has been getting together as usual. I’ve been avoiding the gatherings because I just can’t face him—I’m completely heartbroken. Any advice?
Last updated on:2024-10-17T14:36:49+05:30
Comments (13)
Trust that things will eventually get better. Time heals all wounds.
Focus on spending quality time with the other friends in your group. Their support can be invaluable.
It's understandable that you're feeling awkward around your friend group. Try to be honest with them about how you're feeling.
Writing down your feelings. This can be a cathartic way to process your emotions and gain clarity.
Consider talking to a friend or therapist about your feelings. Sometimes, having someone to talk to can provide valuable perspective and support.
Engage in activities that make you happy and help you relax. This could be anything from reading, exercising, or spending time with loved ones.
It's a tough pill to swallow, but sometimes friendships are meant to be platonic. Focus on the positive aspects of your relationship and cherish the memories you've made.
Avoid him for now. Give yourself time to process your emotions and heal.
It's brave of you to express your feelings, even if it was downplayed. It's a difficult situation, but I believe you'll find strength in facing it head-on.
Rejection is tough, and it's completely understandable that you're feeling heartbroken.
So, you find yourself in a very hard position right now, we've all been there. It's specially harder when this person and you all belong in the same group of friends. But at this stage, distance is important. How you manage that distance is up for discussion. If this person is a part of your friend group, and thus you have to stay away from everybody, perhaps you should speak to your friend group about the situation, so that they understand what's going on. Communication is key.
The other thing I have to say is, next time you fall in love again (because yes, it will happen again), don't let your feelings get too carried away until you have something substancial to hold on to those feelings. You can't realize you are in love with someone, and wait for a long period of time before you make a move. You have to do it quickly, otherwise those feelings will consume you, and you lose your mind for no reason. And if you get rejected, you're not too emotionally invested yet, and it's easier to move on. Best of luck to you.
Girl I have been in the same exact position as yours. My opinion comes from my own mistakes so my advice to you:
Please please please hold your head high. Because we think we are the ones who are supposed to be at the receiving end. You did your bit by confessing. But don’t hide and be afraid of it. Just walk into every room with confidence that you have the courage to love and you’re living your life with great zeal. I must tell you that people who know they are loved take great pleasure in being loved. They put themselves at a higher pedestal than you because it’s human nature. Doesn’t necessarily mean their intention is to hurt you but subconsciously every human being even you and me would do that. Everyone loves being loved ‘more’. But don’t give him that privilege.
If you think that his friendship is sincere and genuine and your efforts are reciprocated in friendship then continue the friendship. But if you think his behaviour has changed awkwardly or he has started taking you for granted just because he knows you like him, stop giving him the privilege of your presence. He needs to value you for him to deserve your love. And if you think that his efforts aren’t reciprocated, please walk out of that friendship. I know it’s going to be a hard pill to swallow but you dragging that friendship one sidedly will exhaust you mentally and emotionally. And you’ll end up hating yourself for loving him.
I am sorry for the pain you must be feeling, I know exactly how it feels but I can vouch for the advice I have given. Learnt the hard way.
But I hope he does realise your importance and comes back for what’s worth. Don’t just settle please and please don’t give him that privilege of your love. It’s absolutely great that you down played your feelings while just putting it across. Take care!
Couldnt agree more. One of the best replies I have seen so far on Reddit. My two cents:
Love is almost always one-sided. Meaning one person always loves more than the other. The one who is loved more totally enjoys the relationship while the one loving more keeps feeling incomplete/ unfulfilled
As mentioned above, you need to stop offering the privilege you have been showering on the other person if you feel being taken for granted. Most likely that is the case.
Healing is never linear. You will go through up and downs, several phases of sometimes feeling strong and having moved on, while feeling low and shattered at other times. You will debate endless on what actually led to this and whether you could have done something to avoid or cure the issue. You will ask yourself several questions and find multiple answers to each of them. You will also find questioning yourself when you feel strong as if the continued pain is a testimony of your sincerity in love. But in the end, life will push you to accept the harsh reality. At that point, you will emerge stronger and much more evolved. There is a part of you which will still love him and that will suffice for you, no matter what the other person did.
You would do well to shift your focus to what keeps you mentally engaged elsewhere even if half heartedly to begin with. Write it out - that helps and disambiguates the cobweb in our head. Hit the gym if your conditions permit. Meditate. It will all be fine.
Forgive but don't forget