I recently connected with an amazing woman on Instagram, and she truly stands out as one of the most beautiful people I’ve encountered. Beyond her striking looks, she’s incredibly intelligent, kind, and speaks fluent English, which resonates with me.
She’s a devoted mom, daughter, and sister. Our conversations have been profound, and she’s shared her struggles with a difficult marriage. Her partner is completely self-absorbed and has become indifferent to her feelings. Despite this, she remains a strong woman, and I feel a genuine connection with her. Unfortunately, we haven’t had the chance to meet in person yet, as she’s in London, while I’m in Canada.
Recently, she suggested we have a video call. However, I've been grappling with anxiety around video chats, stemming from an experience two years ago. I had started talking to a girl from Vegas, and our connection felt deep. She attended the same college as me, and for weeks we shared laughs and meaningful conversations.
But there’s a backstory—I was bullied in middle school, and ironically, she went to the same school. Her name was Alex, and she seemed sweet at first. When she invited me to call during an alumni gathering, I thought it was a casual catch-up. Unfortunately, it turned into a nightmare.
During the call, she introduced me to her friends, saying, "This motherfucker thought he was on my level, fugly fat fuck falling for nothing, look at his sorry ass face following my ass like a dog." I was utterly humiliated. To make matters worse, she recorded the entire interaction and shared it online. That experience shattered me.
Since then, I haven’t touched Facebook and spent months in therapy trying to heal. Even today, that moment still haunts me. It took over a year for me to feel comfortable enough to video call my own mother. I’m not looking for excuses; this is the reality I’m facing. Rebuilding myself is a challenge, and every thought of video calls brings back that anxiety.
But I want this incredible woman I met to know that I would never ghost her or lead her on. I’m still in the healing process and trying to push through my fears. Before I said goodbye, I shared this with her:
I’ll keep you both in my prayers. I hope we can cross paths again, whether in the London or elsewhere. Always remember: You are a good person with a wonderful daughter! You’re a loving mom, a caring sister, and a devoted daughter. Always cherish yourself and recognize your worth.
Even though we’re miles apart, my feelings for her are genuine. I fear losing her, but I understand that my issues and the distance might be overwhelming. It’s just incredibly painful to let go of something that feels so right.
Last updated on:2024-10-21T17:53:43+05:30
Comments (8)
Start with smaller video calls to gradually overcome your fear. Maybe try a video call with a friend or family member first.
I've been through something similar. It takes time to overcome such trauma. Remember, you're not alone, and there's hope for healing.
Your connection with this woman is special. Don't let fear hold you back. Take small steps towards healing, and you'll be surprised by how far you can go.
It's understandable to have anxiety after such a traumatic experience. You're not alone. Remember, your worth isn't defined by someone else's actions.
It's brave of you to share your story. Your strength is inspiring. Take your time, and don't rush things. Healing takes time.
Reading your post felt like such a rollercoaster. I’m really sorry to hear that you went through this. What is wrong with people? I'm glad to hear you’re healing, and I wish you a smooth journey ahead. I hope this helps ease your loneliness a bit; I can relate to a similar experience. I ( 24F) met a UK guy (27M) on Discord about a year ago, and I was upfront with him about my lack of confidence in turning on my camera (even with my family and friends). I struggle with body dysmorphia, and my PCOS (diagnosed four years ago) has made things even tougher. My symptoms aren’t severe, but they’ve definitely impacted my mental health. I avoid mirrors and dislike seeing my own pictures, haha. We used to call almost every day, and he would occasionally turn on his camera. It took me four months to feel comfortable enough to do the same. I still can’t believe this man has been so patient with me for four months, especially after spending years avoiding cameras and webcams. I guess I’m lucky that I’m his type, even if I’m not looking my best right now. At one point, we were video calling daily, but I lost my confidence again. Despite everything, we’re still together and encouraging each other to be our best selves.
I hope you talked with her before letting her go, but I also respect your decision to focus on your healing journey alone.
Technically, she blocked me, even though I tried to explain my situation. I completely understand her decision. I’m not even sure if I articulated my thoughts clearly since I have double deficit dyslexia.
You’re lucky that everything worked out for you.