The past 2 years have been filled with issues—cheating and physical distance

The past 2 years have been filled with issues—cheating and physical distance. We broke up earlier this year, and for the first time, he moved out. A couple of months later, he said he wanted to fix things, and we gave it another shot for the last seven months.
These past few months have been painful for both of us, especially with the distance. Not living together meant we couldn’t come home to each other after a tough day, and it made everything harder.
He couldn’t stop thinking about a threesome with my ex-best friend, claiming it would help fix things. Over time, it turned into him wanting a trio to improve our relationship. I broke up with him and went no contact, needing space to think clearly. I also wanted him to see how his actions were affecting me, but he wasn’t grasping it. It was only getting worse.
He reached out and said he wanted to fix things again, assuring me he was putting me first and putting aside his trio fantasy. He told me he loved me and wasn’t going anywhere, but I couldn’t ignore that he still had that fantasy lingering. I feared it would resurface. I gave him space before, and it seemed to help. I hoped more time would give us both the clarity we needed.
Three weeks later, he joined me and our son for a weekend vacation for my son’s birthday. He was affectionate and acted like everything was fine. But when he fell asleep, I looked through his phone and found that he had created a new Facebook account and looked up the girl he lied about when we first started dating. I confronted him, and his whole demeanor shifted. He claimed we were just co-parenting, that he had no obligation to tell me anything because we weren’t together, but the night before, he had talked about buying a house and moving in together again. After defending himself, he told me he loved me but wasn’t in love with me. He said he cared for me but wasn’t in love, and that he didn’t hate me. He wished me the best.
The rest of the weekend was filled with me crying when I was alone or when he wasn’t around. He laid down with me and comforted me, but when I told him it was confusing, he didn’t stop. We started to have sex, and I told him no. He responded angrily, saying, “This is my shit forever,” and continued. After about 20 minutes, he left me crying in bed and went to sleep with our son in the other room, never checking on me. The next day, he acted nonchalant, and I tried to enjoy the moment by holding his hand, telling myself it could be the last time. He said we’d be back next summer, but I responded that he could speak for himself. He smiled, saying he was happy I was giving him another chance to hold my hand. When the trip ended, he hugged me and told me to take care and have fun.
His birthday came two days after the trip, and three days later, it was my birthday. I didn’t wish him a happy birthday, but he wished me one. I didn’t respond, and we haven’t spoken in three weeks, though he still communicates with our son daily.
My heart and mind are so conflicted. How could just three weeks ago he tell me he loved me and wasn’t going anywhere, and then, during our son’s birthday weekend, tell me he loves me but isn’t in love with me?
Yesterday, he texted me about a child support payment I had requested, and during our conversation, he mentioned changes with his car, saying he’d be able to pick up our son without needing to borrow my car. He also said he didn’t need to explain anything to me anymore. I’m confused because, if we haven’t spoken, why would he share those details? It felt like he was trying to keep me engaged, even in a negative way.
My heart and mind are a mess. He’s someone who often changes his mind. When he said he wasn’t in love, he added, “That’s just how I feel right now,” but he’s said things before only to change them a week later. I guess I’m still holding onto hope that maybe he just felt that way in the moment, and with more clarity, he’ll realize he still loves me. But deep down, I know it’s wishful thinking. I’m struggling to move on because I still have hope. I had fallen out of love with him, but he didn’t let me leave, and I eventually fell back in love. Now, he seems ready to move on after bringing me back in.
I’m at a loss about where to go from here. Has anyone been through something like this? I’m trying to work on myself, focusing on self-love, but I still love him. So I’m waiting for him but also bettering myself in case he doesn’t come back. We both put aside our self-respect for each other. So where do I go from here?

Last updated on:2024-11-12T16:55:18+05:30