Me (23F) and my ex (24M) broke up a month ago cuz I found out he cheated. Like with a trans woman he met on Grindr and apparently, he was paying for it. Nothing against trans women, but he’s into stuff like frottling (???) and idk do with that info what you want. Fast forward to like yesterday I found out he’s been active on this Reddit page for gay dudes who meet up to JO together while watching porn. He’s even out here suggesting they do more than just JO. He’s been posting there since summer and probs met up with them while I had no clue.
I’m devastated. literally broken. Porn was already a problem in our relationship—he’d promise me he quit then I’d catch him and he’d gaslight me saying I was a bad gf for not trusting him. Turns out he wasn’t doing better he was doing worse. Didn’t find out about Grindr or the porn (again ?) until the day we broke up which is why I ended it. I’m so grossed out. how are you doing all this while in a relationship?? It’s sick.
But here’s the thing—I still care about him (unfortunately). I really thought he’d change but after finding my heart’s shattered even more.And oh yeah, update: I found his Grindr again and messaged him but no response. Mind you it’s been a month since we broke up but I’m still disgusted confused, sad, and scared. I know I sound crazy for making accounts to check on him, but it’s eating me alive.
He said he’d change but clearly he can’t. Idk what to do. A part of me wants revenge, but another part doesn’t wanna waste energy on him. I’m just heartbroken. Send help.
Last updated on:2024-12-04T15:18:47+05:30
Comments (5)
we’ve been through the same thing or at least something close. He’s probably like my ex closeted and just doesn't wanna admit it so he ends up projecting all his insecurities on you.
Sorry op what you've been through sucks
If you want him back maybe try talking to him again ask if he's really bi. Like, if he's into bi stuff, then maybe ask about those nsfw things?
You didn’t cheat on him he’s the one who should be worried, not you. He’s losing a good kind girl for hookups with trans people and whatever else. Don’t overthink it.
I’m sorry you’re going through this it sucks to be cheated on especially by someone you’ve been with for so long. It feels like a huge betrayal and it leaves a real mark. I get how his cheating must feel even worse since it seems like he cared more about his own desires than you🙁. He was already fine with that while you were together so him still doing it now makes sense.
It seems like most of your hurt comes from him completely ignoring your feelings and just acting like you don’t matter enough to keep things respectful. I can’t say if the whole relationship was messed up but it’s clear by the end he was totally okay with putting his needs first and treating you like nothing. You’re right to feel hurt and I’m really sorry you had to deal with that.
About revenge or anything like that I’d say skip it. You won’t feel better the way you think you will and you’ll just keep hurting over his betrayal. Maybe try writing out your feelings instead. You can send it to him or not (I’d recommend not) he probably won’t reply but it’s okay. It’s for your own healing not for him. It’s about letting go of that pain not letting it eat you up.
Take care of yourself through this. Even if he didn’t respect you you gotta respect yourself and not blame yourself for what happened. It’s not on you he made the choice to lie and cheat instead of just breaking up with you first. That makes him the bad guy. I hope you start feeling better soon. Stay strong.
Thanks I really needed to hear that.. It’s just so much right now I’m feeling everything at once I hate this I feel so broken. I don’t even recognize him anymore.. how do I move on from him?
@FloraFloFlo It’s a process it’ll take time. In a way you're grieving the relationship. It's like the death of a future you thought you’d have and a life you were used to. But at the end of the day he was treating you badly. Even if he was sweet sometimes he was lying betraying your trust and putting your health at risk by hooking up with strangers. That stuff’s a dealbreaker. Don’t doubt yourself you made the right call breaking up.
One tough thing about breakups is the mix of good memories with the pain you're feeling now. It’s wild that someone who hurt you can also be the person that brought you happiness. But remember those good memories can still be good. You don’t have to erase everything just because of how things ended. Yeah the context has changed and that person might not be who you thought they were or became someone you didn’t vibe with anymore but the feelings from those moments are still real. You’ll make new memories with yourself or with others and they’ll bring you that same joy but this time without all the hurt.
Right now take care of yourself. You were a couple for a long time now it's time to focus on you. Go out to eat do something you’ve been putting off just for fun. Treat yourself like your best friend who's been through all this and give her the kindness she deserves. It might seem small but self-care like that is huge. You don’t deserve any blame here, you deserve love and compassion.
If you need to talk or vent I’m here to listen. Wishing you the best through all of this.