I’m in the middle of dealing with a breakup that wrecked me in ways I didn’t even think were possible. My ex and I had such a strong emotional vibe we laughed got super close and even planned a future together. He called me an angel and said I was special. I gave him so much love even paid for the whole vacation we went on. But in the end he told me he wasn’t physically attracted to me and that’s why things ended.
Hearing that from someone I loved and thought loved me unconditionally crushed me. It hit right at my biggest insecuritymy body. It’s like my worst fear came true. I’ve always struggled with my weight and how I see myself and now all that shame and self hate is back. I can’t even look in the mirror without feeling gross.
I keep trying to remind myself that my worth isn’t about how I look but it’s hard to believe when someone you love rejects you for exactly that. I’m stuck overthinking why wasn’t I enough? Would it have worked if I was different?
At the same time I feel so torn like maybe he’s dealing with his own guilt and regret too. It’s just so messy and the pain feels impossible to get through right now.
Has anyone else felt this way? How do you even begin to rebuild when your biggest insecurities are thrown right in your face?
Last updated on:2024-12-30T15:43:37+05:30
Comments (13)
If your partners really into you they’ll just love you no overthinking. I just went through a breakup and I feel like my ex saw me in the wrong way. I truly loved her everything about her even the stuff she was self conscious about. Everyone’s got things they don’t like about themselves or feel insecure about but if you really love someone you see those things as beautiful. It’s part of who they are and there’s nothing to feel bad about.
He was just into your looks classic dude behavior. They don’t get that bodies change theirs too. If all he cared about was how you looked he’s trash. imagine if you got pregnant? Women naturally gain weight and he would’ve dipped when you needed him most.
Focus on yourself glow up and let him regret it later. Don’t give him any energy. Real love isn’t shallow it grows with you.
I’m at this point where it’s hard to separate my worth from how I look. Even when I try to remind myself I’m more than my appearance it still stings so bad to feel rejected for it. But your words hit deep they reminded me that just because someone couldn’t love me as I am doesn’t mean I’m not lovable. It just means they weren’t meant to hold my heart.
I’m really sorry to hear all that. I’ve been through something kinda similar though it’s not what caused my breakup.
I just need a bit of clarity was he asking you to change? without that detail it kinda seems like he loved you unconditionally even without the physical attraction. It sounds like you were understandably hurt by him admitting this and maybe some self sabotage happened. it’s totally possible to love someone unconditionally but not find them physically attractive. But it’s also super valid to want the person you’re deeply in love with and vulnerable with to be into your whole being inside and out.
If he did ask you to change for him? Nah screw that. it'd be one thing if he was worried about your health but if its just for his satisfaction? Absolutely not. If you ever decide to change it should be for you not for anyone else. And if you don’t want to change trust me there’s someone out there with all his good qualities who will love all of you just as you are.
I feel for you so much. Please dont starve yourself don’t punish yourself and don’t force yourself to be someone you’re not or dont wanna be. You deserve love and care exactly as you are.
Thanks for this I really needed it. It’s so true how people will find ways to tear down the things that make us us and it can feel so unfair and personal. Its tough not to take that rejection to heart especially when it hits a deep insecurity.
Im in a spot where Im struggling to believe my worth isn’t tied to how I look. no matter how much I tell myself I’m more than my appearance the pain of being rejected for it still feels so heavy. But reading what you said reminded me that someone not being able to love me as I am doesn’t make me unlovable—it just means they weren’t the right one for my heart.
The real truth is trust and loyalty to your partner is key
I loved this guy like no one else. I was wifey material for real. Physical attraction is such a big deal when it comes to even starting something romantic so the fact that this became a problem so late in the game just breaks my heart.
Lemme keep it real. If he was into you when y’all first met he’s still into you. That was probably the only thing he could use to justify the breakup. Guys are visual and physical they don’t choose based on potential that’s more of a girl thing. If a guy’s not attracted you’re out of the game period. But this breakup aint about you your worth or your looks. From what I see you didn’t treat him wrong and he was into you at first so what else could he say to justify it? Saying he’s not attracted anymore is something you can’t argue with right? So yeah that’s a him problem and this was his excuse. A lot of dudes mess up something good just cause they think there’s something better out there. These types end up forever single or chasing the next thing while someone amazing is right in front of them. you dodged a bullet here.
Thanks for keeping it real you nailed a lot of stuff Ive been struggling with. This has been rough though cuz it wasn’t just some casual thing for me. We had this deep emotional vibe that felt rare like we could talk forever share our passions and just get each other.
But yeah the physical stuff kinda overshadowed everything. Even though he said Im special it’s obvious now he let something shallow steer our whole relationship. That hits different cuz I wasn’t just thinking about what could beI was all in. I saw him flaws and all as someone I could build something amazing with.
I know this says more about him than me. If he was chasing some unrealistic better option or got scared of the connection we had that’s on him. One day he’ll realize what he lost cuz people like me don’t come around every day. I know that even through all this pain.
But being told I wasn’t enough because of my body? That cuts deep. It feeds into every insecurity I’ve ever had and I’m trying so hard not to let it wreck me. It’s tough though. Really tough.
thanks for your take. Maybe I dodged a bullet but right now it just feels like I lost something I wanted so bad. Im trying to remind myself I deserve someone who sees all of me and doesn’t let anything surface level ruin that.
Sorry you’re going through this. I’ve never had a breakup over physical attraction stuff but I totally get how important it is. I hit the gym a lot and try to eat healthy most of the time feels good for your body and boosts your confidence too. After my last breakup I was back in the gym daily. He was a total narcissist lying cheating gambling all that. I still catch myself missing him sometimes even though he treated me like trash. he was hot and smart with money but his addiction issues? Whole new level. I’m used to dealing with alcoholics or drug addicts but this was something else.
I’m sure he does miss you but maybe this is your time for a glowup. If you want him back hit the gym clean up your diet and upgrade your wardrobe. Dress to slay throw on some heels get your hair and nails done. If makeup’s not your thing yet YouTube’s got you covered. Add some shiny jewelry pop on some lipstick don’t let someone else swoop in if he’s what you want. And even if he moves on remember you’re hot and have way more options.
That’s rough but I gotta be real looks matter to guys. You don’t need to look like a supermodel but if weight’s been a big struggle it’s worth working on. It can shrink your dating options a lot.
I get you fr. I’m selfaware enough to reflect on it. I’ve struggled with binge eating my whole life but Im on a healthy path now. I’m losing this weight for me bc it’s something that’s bothered me forever. But my gut says that when I’m in a better place with my weight he’s gonna regret pushing me away.
@SparkyME Ofc Your dating pool's gonna be massive and he’ll be tripping over himself with the biggest regret drooling like crazy. Thats so cool you’re taking steps to level up your health for you Inner works super key but yeah physical health’s just as big. You’re amazing fr.
@BadKarma I loved this guy like no one else. I’ve got this super soft feminine vibe love giving and taking care of people and I know he appreciated that. He even said I’d be a dope mom one time. I was his biggest cheerleader even wrote him poems. No regrets about the love I gave it came from a real place and my hearts just big like that.