My ex (32M) broke up with me (26M) yesterday

My ex (32M) broke up with me (26M) yesterday. Our 3-year relationship was insane like a wild rollercoaster. We started long-distance while we were both with other people left them for each other and flipped our whole lives upside down to be together. Spent thousands on flights then more to move him away from his ex and toxic family to live with me. I thought living together would fix stuff like the anxiety codependency and fear of failure but it just got worse. He needed things from me I couldn’t give and I kept trying thinking I could change if I just got my act together. But I kept breaking promises and he couldn’t take it anymore. Looking back we didn’t even know each other that well long-distance and neither of us was stable enough for a healthy relationship. After all the time effort and love we put in it sucks so bad to let go.
We just moved in and now I have to move out. He told me he’s been emotionally done for a while and stopped wanting this life with me ages ago. I started feeling like we needed to break up too but I’ve got so much grieving to do and he’s already over it. I love this home we made but he never even wanted it. I wanted to marry him but he didn’t want to feel trapped. He taught me so much about being a person a man an artist a lover a friend. But I had no clue what I was doing and he had to teach me while I failed him no matter how hard I tried. I got so much out of us but all he got was disappointment. I’m trying not to feel like a total failure but honestly the evidence is stacked against me.
I can’t move out right away because of money and he wants to stay close still holding each other talking through everything staying friends, keeping the good parts of our relationship alive. We’re amazing friends but our lives are heading in different directions and our intimacy was always tough. Of course I want to stay close I still feel at home in his arms. His voice still comforts me. I’ve never felt this way with anyone else. Even though our sex life was strained I don’t think I’ll ever want anyone to hold me like he did. I’m scared no one will ever be as patient caring or gentle. I’m afraid the passion and love we had at the start won’t happen again. I feel like I ruined my only shot at real love by not being enough. I have no idea how I’ll ever love someone again after being so sure he was my person.
I don’t know if staying close is a good idea. His ex of 10 years ignored him after their breakup and the loneliness almost broke him. I don’t want that for him or me. I want to believe we don’t have to throw everything away and be strangers but I know I’ll be a mess for a while. I’m scared I’ll hurt him by not being able to let go and he’ll have to cut me off just to move on. I don’t want to lose my best friend.
I told him I thought we should cut ties and he asked me to stay. Without me he’d be stuck without a car or support system. He’s terrified and exhausted and I feel responsible since I brought him out here. We had a really honest talk today it was the first time in months we felt good after a hard convo. I’m still moving out just not for a couple months. I want to show him I can be better listen when he’s hurting. He wants to be less critical. We still want to stay close. I asked if he still loves me, and he said I don’t even know what I feel anymore. When your back’s turned I want to hold you and I’d be devastated if you left. But I’ve been in survival mode for so long I can’t even think. It hit me because I remember when the roles were switched I was the one working all the time too tired to love him and he felt powerless and lonely. We’re trying to rest and figure it out. The plan is for me to get a job and him to get his license in the meantime.

Last updated on:2025-01-22T16:11:22+05:30