yo last year was rough af ngl. let me rant for a sec bc honestly it feels like i got no one close enough to spill this to. weird how talking to strangers online while sipping soju feels better huh?
it’s so hard to connect w ppl on a real level like soul deep. feels like failure just sticks to me. sometimes i wonder if i’m doing too much or not enough like maybe i scare ppl off? other times i’m like am i even worth loving? love feels like a currency now and i’m broke lol. guess i don’t have the society approved package deal. kinda sucks bc it ruins what real love could be.
love has been eating me alive. it hurts so bad it’s like my chest can’t take it anymore. has anyone ever died of heartbreak? bc if not catch me in medical journals lol. i feel like i’ll never know the kind of love that loves me back. just pain wrapped around me like a straightjacket keeping me from feeling human.
i just want someone to see me. like actually see me. love me the way i love them. it’s so exhausting to give so much to be open and vulnerable only to get nothing back. bruh i’m so tired.
if i’m not meant to be loved just say it already god or whoever’s listening so i can stop trying. for real let me save myself the pain.idk i don’t think i’m hot or anything but i like to think i’m funny honest, and chill. ppl always come to me for help or support so like… i must be doing something right? guys being a decent person isn’t that hard lmao.
anyway i’m studying in a hard major at a tough school but man some ppl here really just use you. a few of them i caught feelings for which makes it even more awkward and painful bc we still gotta act like strangers.
so yeah am i only worth something if i’m useful? feels like it. but whatever i’m gonna keep loving anyway. that’s just who i am.
i’ve fallen for ppl who were already in love w others too many times. every time i hear them say someone else’s name w so much tenderness my heart just breaks into pieces. and like… i wish my name was the one they whispered like that.
loving someone makes me feel the most alive. it’s like my whole soul is on fire for them steering me toward home. but damn who knew their smiles would haunt me like this? who knew their name would feel so sweet on my tongue? who knew brown eyes held the secrets of the universe?
oh and glowing? yeah i saw someone glowing once. just doing the most normal thing but in that moment i knew my heart wouldn’t chill.
i used to write poems. quit that tho. hurts too much. but back then it was freeing ya know? to feel so deeply. now? i don’t even wanna feel anything anymore. my old poems were cringy af but at least i loved hard.
if i’m meant to be loved prove it. if not just rip this heart out already bc this sucks.
Last updated on:2025-01-29T08:49:02+05:30
Comments (6)
been there and have felt invisible and someone pol come to only when they need something. forever friend zoned. but then things changed with this one guy who could see me fr. and i was thankful for that first love in college though it did not last but nonetheless felt like warm sunshine that whole semester. there is someone for everyone is all i can tell u so hang in there
Don't give up on finding your people.
You're worthy of all the love.
Love yourself fiercely.
Your poems were probably fire.
Yo bro I feel you fr. It’s like she ripped a part of you out and just dropped your heart to watch it shatter. I get it losing yourself hits different. You’re sitting there like Who even am I? Why am I here? Been there asked those same questions.
it’s easier to just tap out and build walls but we gotta find ourselves again. Gotta try stand up and heal. Put the soju down I’m raising my water to the future you who got back up and learned to open up again.