I honestly don’t know what to say never felt this before but I think I was in love with my friend and now I can’t stop hurting. About 8 months ago I realized I was catching feelings for a friend I’d only known for like 6 months. They were in this toxic one-sided verbally abusive relationship and I was just figuring out these new feelings so I didn’t say anything.
my feelings just grew stronger. Things in my day-to-day remind me of them I think about them nonstop act different when they’re around I’m happier with them, miss them when I’m not with them, they make me feel safe, you know the vibe.
I was hesitant to call it love even though Google and my friends were like it’s love. I kept saying it’s just infatuation. People know I’m not the type to fall for anyone but I couldn’t stop thinking about them like it was an obsession. It kept me up at night. I even spoke to a therapist who was like give it time and if you still feel this way talk to them. Seemed like good advice.
Then after their breakup I decided to finally ask them if we could meet up and talk about something which yeah, was me about to confess my feelings. We planned to meet that weekend. But the day before they asked me to go with them to return their ex’s stuff for safety and confidence totally messed with my plan. At least the handover went okay. But then as we’re walking through town, they ask so what did you wanna talk about? Like worst timing ever. I tried to dodge it but nope they kept asking.
So we sit by the river and I spill everything apologizing for the terrible timing, but when I suggested we talk this wasn’t even in the picture. They said they weren’t ready to date anyone right now which fine no problem at all. Doesn’t change how I feel just a little embarrassed but whatever we’re good.
A few months pass and keeping these feelings inside is killing me. I can’t sleep because I can’t stop thinking about them (I already struggle with sleep but now it’s worse). I was physically affected too so I told a mutual friend (who’s asexual and wouldn’t be interested in anyone) about it, just to get it off my chest. They were cool with it understanding no big deal.
Then just after Christmas I’m talking to my crush like usual, and they drop this bomb: last Christmas (mutual friend) and I decided to start dating... And it felt like my heart shattered into a million pieces yeah dramatic but that’s how it hit. Angry heartbroken after a year of holding in these feelings I feel betrayed by the one person who knew about it.
It was after midnight, but I wasn’t rude, I congratulated them and then went for a 6-hour walk in the freezing cold to try to process all of it. Didn’t eat or drink for the next 3 days, only got out of bed to feed my cat. I cried a little but hey big girls don’t cry right?
A month later and we barely talk I’m hurting so much, I can’t even put it into words. I feel physically achey I just want things to go back to normal. I miss our cuddles watching dumb childhood movies talking about books and science stuff physics for them biology for me. We shared everything like deep personal stuff no one else knew.
They were everything to me and now I don’t know what to do. We don’t talk like we used to I never see them anymore. I’ve been fine being single, focusing on work, fitness studying, but it feels like they took a part of me with them. I don’t feel whole anymore.
I know this is sounding really melodramatic.
I’ve never been depressed but since this I’ve felt like a different person. So much so that I’ve booked a session with a mental health practitioner, hoping that helps.
Today I got a message from them because we both happened to be in the same city but for different reasons. I said might see you on the train in an hour but they replied we’re almost home already. The word we’re really hit me like enough to make me rant here. I had such a good weekend and now I feel like garbage again because of that one word. I know it’s a stupid thing to let ruin my mood but I can’t help it it really got to me. Now I’m just angry and sad.
Okay that’s enough from me hope you’re having a better time than I am. If you read all this props to you you’re a real one.
Last updated on:2025-02-12T13:54:48+05:30
Comments (5)
no reason to be mad he just doesn’t feel the same way
That’s the thing tho. What we had wasn’t just some casual thing you have with anyone. It was personal, private. We cuddled spooned got a little intimate a few times nothing wild but still. I met their fam they cooked for me all that sweet stuff. And when I spoke up about how their actions made me feel they didn’t say much but they did say they cared and didn’t wanna lose me. And I know they do. They’ve shown it like being there when I had rough days or buying me gloves just cuz I mentioned I didn’t have any a few days before.
A friend told me they just wanna have their cake and eat it too. And I don’t wanna believe that cuz it feels off from the person I thought I knew. But ngl right now that’s looking like the realest explanation.
@GiminiZoe I get it but just cuz y'all got a little comfy doesn’t mean it was a whole relationship. A lot of people cook for others lol what I’m saying is if he actually asked you to be exclusive that’d be a different story. I’m sure he cares about you just not in that way
@Xopo012 Yeah you’re right. It just hurts cuz they said they weren’t tryna date for a while after their last relationship but then got all close with me cuz we had chemistry… and then went and started dating the one person I actually vented to about it?? Like bro at least speak up?? A simple yo you know (me) has a crush on you right? would've been nice. And now this mutual friend who was supposedly not into dating just… isn’t anymore? Idk maybe that’s unfair but I haven’t even been able to talk to them since I found out.
It’s not like I think they can’t be together I’m not obsessed it just sucks feeling hurt by two close friends. Lowkey feels like it happened behind my back.
@GiminiZoe Now that I can vibe with.. that was shady.. they should’ve just said like hey we wanna let you know blah blah but we still got love for you as a friend.. but now you lost two friends over this for no reason