We’re still legally married but been separated for like 2 years now

We’re still legally married but been separated for like 2 years now. We were together for 10 married for 7 and honestly I thought we’d be together forever… until meth came into the picture. At first it was just a fun thing and it made our sex even better somehow. But then after a while she started accusing me of cheating which wasn’t true at all. She was the one for me I had no reason to stray. I was so confused when she started accusing me we’d always been able to trust each other, tell each other everything, and have each other's backs. But I didn't realize how much meth was messing with her head. While I was just speeding and wasting time in stores like Walmart etc she was starting to see things that weren’t real.
We were more than just husband and wife we were best friends too and we knew each other better than anyone. But she kept convincing herself I was cheating and I couldn’t understand why. I thought she’d realize how wild her accusations were and we’d get past it like we always had. But it only got worse she accused me of stuff like messing with her friends her mom even random dudes. It spiraled and she started accusing me of stealing from her kidnapping and even stuff like molesting my own daughter and stepdaughters. At one point she tried telling some guy I was a serial killer.
We split in August 2022 not because we didn’t love each other but because meth had messed her up so much that she truly believed I was a horrible person. I was heartbroken lost… and she moved on right away while I had no desire to see anyone else. I was watching her hop from one trash dude to the next and I just couldn’t wrap my head around it. How could she choose these guys over me and her daughter? She’d bring these guys around the kids like they were supposed to be impressed by some dude fresh outta prison or an alcoholic or someone who beat her.
About a month after we split we hooked up again and she kept seeing other guys while still sleeping with me. I lost everything had to raise my daughter on my own and put on a happy face for her even though inside I was in a deep depression. Fast forward to February 2024 and I’m just drowning in drugs trying to numb everything but I end up on house arrest and then in jail for violating. A few days later she ends up in jail too. So now not only did I fail her when she needed me but I had no choice but to get sober and deal with all the pain I’d buried.
After 6 months I got out back to work just trying to focus on my daughter. I went to a Staind/Breaking Benjamin concert a couple weekends ago and it was the first time I’d been out in forever since we split. I thought it’d be fun but honestly I forgot how to socialize. I’m shy but usually a couple beers will loosen me up. Not this time tho, I felt so awkward the whole time. Honestly the thought of dating again at 41 is just... ugh. And the worst part? I’ve talked to my ex a couple times recently and she still makes my heart melt just being around her.

Last updated on:2025-02-18T14:15:55+05:30