I (29M) basically stopped trying to date a few years ago. the one thing I want most in life is to be loved but I had to take a step back. I was tired tired of being used tired of feeling like I wasn’t good enough tired of competing for girls who claimed they cared and honestly just tired of feeling lonelier in a relationship than I did alone. So I took a break focused on getting my life together and tried to build up some self-worth again. That’s been the vibe for the past four years.
I also left my old job cause the industry was just toxic. Been doing simple 9-to-5s since then. fast forward to about 7-8 months ago this new girl (23F) let’s call her A started working at my store. We’re total opposites in a lot of ways but also kinda similar too. Over time we built this weird little bond. Eventually she became my work crush. Our friendship grew to the point where we started calling each other work husband and work wife (her idea btw). The casual hugs turned into tight lingering embraces and even our coworkers started noticing. We text with smiley faces and hearts black ones from me white ones from her. We talk all the time at work and if one of us gets off a little later we’ll just chill around to see each other before leaving. People have straight-up asked why we’re not dating but the answer is... timing and preferences.
I’ve been on a dating break and when I do date I usually go for women around my age or older not really into younger girls by more than a year or two. And A? She’s a white girl who prefers Black guys. She also just got out of a five year relationship that sounded messy and kinda wants to be single for now. But as we got closer I started liking her for real. Like, to the point where I was actually considering coming out of my dating hiatus for her. Problem is her signals hve been... confusing.
At work we literally can’t stop talking to each other but outside of work? Maybe one in five times she’s super engaged and the other four it’s like pulling teeth. She mostly eats junk food at work and when I told her I’d bring her a real meal she seemed excited even asked when I would. But then when I actually cook for her (shoutout to my culinary training) she gets all weird about it and not in a cute way. Also lately when she talks about shows/movies she’s been mentioning crushes on more white characters. But then, when other girls at work ask her about me, she says I’m not her type. And that just confuses everyone given the way we act with each other.
Last week I got kinda annoyed with her over something and suddenly she was doing the most to make sure we were good. She even stayed an hour after work just to make sure everything was chill. That’s when I finally told her how I felt.
I told her I get that we’re different and have different preferences but I care about her a lot. She said it meant a lot that I genuinely cared about her before I caught feelings. I told her that if I have no shot just be straight-up with me. She didn’t outright reject me just said she wants to be single for a bit since she’s only a few months out of a long-term relationship. But she also said she wants to get to know me better and see where things go.
We’ve made it clear we’re doing something for each other on Valentine’s Day. She’s getting/making me something and I’ve been working on a really thoughtful gift basket for her. Like I put real effort into this. Spent a whole day getting the las touches together.
But last night I couldn’t stop thinking about her. Even though it was late I texted her. Told her I get that she wants to take it slow but it’s been a while since I really liked someone and I do really like her. Also asked if there’s a better way for us to talk outside of work.
Woke up to a reply I did not expect.
She kept it short basically said sorry if her saying she wanted to get to know me came off the wrong way but she strictly meant as a friend. Then straight-up said she doesn’t see me that way and doesn’t have feelings for me.
I texted back pointing out some things that didn’t add up and asked if we could talk later. She hasn’t responded. I’m off today she’s off tomorrow, so I won’t see her again till Tuesday. Not gonna go up there today just gonna wait and see if she responds. If not I really don’t know what Tuesday’s gonna be like. We work the same shift so we’ll be around each other all day. No idea how it’s gonna feel seeing her again after this.
It just sucks man. I waited so long to put myself out there again wanted to make sure it was the right time the right person… and now it all just feels like it blew up in my face.
Last updated on:2025-02-19T14:57:23+05:30
Comments (8)
Work husband turned work headache.
She's giving situationship vibes.
Run.
Friend-zoned with extra steps. That's a whole mess.
Sounds like she wants the attention not the relationship.
Classic.
Work wife thing was a red flag. Should've seen that coming.
Ghosted? That's a low blow. Sorry you're going through this.
Oof, major mixed signals. That's rough dude.
Honestly sounds like you gotta ask her in person to clear up what she's been saying. She’s been saying one thing but now it’s like she’s saying something else. If she doesn’t want a relationship she shouldn't be giving mixed signals. If she is that's just unfair. But yeah I’d def say you should talk face to face.