I never thought I’d be writing here but today I feel like I need to get this pain out

I never thought I’d be writing here but today I feel like I need to get this pain out. I lost my first love after two years and I have no idea how to move on without him. I feel lost broken like a part of me is just... gone. Maybe sharing this will help me heal or maybe someone here can tell me how they got through it.
I was with this guy for two years (we're 21 and 22). We grew up together and I honestly couldn’t imagine my life without him. He was my rock my everything. But the reality? Our relationship was far from perfect.
He cheated on me five times. Every time I tried to forgive to understand to believe we could make it work. But those wounds don’t heal. And then there was his anger slowly taking over. He hit me on Valentine’s Day. That was the last straw. I told his mom not to get back at him but because I wanted him to get the help he needed to deal with his anger.
A big issue for us was abstinence. It was important to me, something I believed in. He said he understood but over time the frustration built up. He was stuck between loving me and his own desires and it created this silent distance between us. He didn’t talk about it much but I knew it was eating at him.
And then he crossed the line. Five times. He cheated again and again. Every time I was crushed. But I forgave him because I loved him so much. I thought we could fix it. I thought we could find a way to balance things. But deep down I knew something was broken.
The breakup wasn’t a calm conversation. We were talking then suddenly he just stopped responding. I grabbed his car keys to get his attention and that’s when everything went south. He pulled my hair hit me bit me. I managed to escape but he swung at me I dodged. Then he punched me knocked me down and kept hitting me. I somehow got away with his keys.
A few minutes later he asked me to come back said he was sorry wanted to help me because I’d hurt my ankle from his outburst. I noticed my piercing was missing told him and he lied saying it was in the car to lure me back. He found me tried to help me walk but I refused. I gave him back the keys found my piercing and he left. I limped home. I even ran after his car for a bit but then I gave up... I just wanted to talk but he left.
Now I’m left alone with this pain. I know the breakup had to happen but I still love him. And I’m scared. Scared I’ll never get over it scared I won’t find that kind of connection again. He was my first love and it hurts so much.
I’m not here for the time heals or youll find someone better talk. I just want to know... how do we survive this? How do we keep going when everything feels empty? Have any of you been here? And does the pain eventually go away? Because right now I have no idea...

Last updated on:2025-02-25T18:10:12+05:30