Hey everyone I’m honestly at a loss right now. I feel completely wrecked abandoned and unwanted. My (now ex) bf who I think has a fearful avoidant attachment style broke up with me just before Valentine’s Day. We were together for over a year and for the first 8 months he was everything I wanted—so loving attentive invested. He reassured me all the time made me feel safe and gave me all the love I needed. I thought I’d finally found my person.
But then he got a new job (with a toxic work environment and more responsibilities) and started pulling away emotionally. He got distant and inconsistent. I tried to communicate be understanding of how overwhelmed he was give him space. I fought so hard for us because I knew the love was real. I knew his fear avoidance and struggles weren’t about me but they still hurt. I just kept holding on hoping he’d realize that love isn’t something to run from.
And then he ended it. He said he’s been feeling shame for months because he knew he wasn’t giving me what I deserved. He said he loves me, will always love me and can’t forget me but he just can’t be in a relationship right now. He said if he took it back he wouldn’t even be able to accept my love anymore because the shame of breaking up would be too much.
I feel like I’m losing it. Not just him but the future I thought we had, the safety the dreams. He told me I was the love of his life and no one would compare. I know logically this isn’t about me not being enough but emotionally it feels like it. I feel betrayed and abandoned like I was fighting for someone who wasn’t really fighting for me. It feels like I was left behind by someone who loves me but is too stuck in his own stuff to stay.
How do I even cope with this? How do I stop spiraling in my head? I can’t make sense of any of it. How do I move on when I still love him so much? I feel like I’ll never find this kind of love again because he was everything I wanted in so many ways and I hate that I have to let go of something that should’ve been ours.
If anyone’s been through this how did you get through it? I’d really appreciate any kind words or support. I feel so lost right now.
My avoidant ex who once made me feel deeply loved pulled away over time and broke up with me before Valentine’s Day saying he still loves me but can’t be in the relationship. I feel abandoned devastated and stuck in endless pain. How do I move forward?
Last updated on:2025-03-03T14:17:33+05:30
Comments (8)
My ex sent me back to my parents. He decided that on his own and now I feel like I was just used and tossed when I couldn’t keep up. I don’t even know how to fix myself rn but I’m pissed and sad. I still love him so much and my whole future just flipped to being without him and I can’t wrap my head around it. But you’re not alone in this.
Same thing happened to me still feels rough but like everyone says the further you get from that day the easier it gets even if it’s just crying for an hour instead of 5. I was gonna move closer to him next month (we were long distance) so now I gotta figure out where to live. It’s only been a week but I’ve been hanging with family and checking out new places to live since I wanna leave my city anyway. Taking walks helps and honestly I vibe with sad country music but that’s not for everyone.
Sending good vibes your way, we’ll get there eventually!
Did I write this? Kinda feels like I did
The only thing that helps me break outta the loop is simple stuff to distract me. I’m into puzzles and mystery books been cooking a lot. Little things that take focus but don’t have any emotional strings attached. Honestly don’t get how people can listen to music when they’re heartbroken tho
Eventually you'll start to get more control over it, and the spiraling won’t be as bad. But for now just gotta be patient and let time do its thing. Just hang in there and let the clock run
same vibe here :( wish I could do more but just know you're not alone and hope we both heal eventually
Sending you strength
you’ll find love again for sure. don’t regret the energy you gave good vibes always pay off plus now you know what you’re capable of. anyone on the receiving end should be thankful. you get to walk away knowing what’s meant for you will align, and if it doesn’t that person was just a chapter not your whole story. he was your shouldn’t be chapter his character needed some serious edits and now he’s closing your book. his chapter might’ve meant something but looking back he’s really just a few pages. you’ll have to open up a new chapter might feel weird with all those blank pages but trust that’s something you can learn to be excited for. the right chapters will need way less editing.
This happened to me like months ago but my now ex broke up with me a month after I told him I loved him and he didn’t feel the same. It’s been a long months of healing. At first I couldn’t cope couldn’t eat or sleep, all I did was cry. I legit stopped functioning at work. My ex said stuff like I’m his dream girl and it’s not me he just needs to be single and felt bad for getting distant before breaking up with me. At first, I felt sorry for him even though I was heartbroken but over time I realized he played me. He love-bombed me without saying “I love you” and later I found out he told his friends he thought he was falling for me but freaked out when I said it. Anyway that’s not your soulmate. There will be someone who fights for you that’s real love. Avoidant people will break hearts and the only regret they feel is shame not actual regret. My advice move through the pain with grace. Feel it all but find healthy ways to cope.
thanks for your sweet comment really means a lot. it’s all still kinda fresh for me but I’ll definitely keep your advice in mind when I’m ready to take those steps. I’m already in therapy and have some solid friends by my side it’s just all still really raw rn. but I feel what you’re saying so much appreciate the encouragement ♥️