I'm 48 and was seeing a 45year old tech person. Even though we both made decent money she never chipped in or planned anything. I ended up paying for everything and doing romantic stuff. I supported her emotionally but she was pretty selfish always spending on herself and her fam. Oh and she didn’t mention she had an STD until after we’d been intimate twice. There wasn’t much back from her other than making the bed and saying she made me feel seen and heard. The lack of balance bugged me so I told her I wasn’t happy. We went out for dinner to talk about it but my card declined no big deal we both make good money but I was moving a couple grand around and forgot about it. I stepped away to fix it and she paid the bill but dipped on me. I asked her to apologize in person but I never heard from her again. I texted for closure but no reply. She’s been through three failed marriages and substance issues but I still gave her a chance. Now six months later I’m still struggling to get over her. I did so much for her and I expected respect and closure. Why do I still miss her after all that?
Last updated on:2025-03-04T18:00:40+05:30
Comments (14)
Yeah I can’t even argue with that tbh.. more than anything I’m still just shook she dipped like that and never said a word after making me believe she loved and trusted me.. so weird lowkey cruel and just messed up fr I don’t get it
Well now you know why she had 3 failed marriages. She sounds so selfish.
Your closure is her just dipping. I know it sucks but fr take a step back and see her for who she really is. A whole anchor bro, you’re better off solo. She’s not just emotionally draining, she’s a financial weight too, holding you back from your full potential.
Who even cares if someone’s emotional lol if you mean manipulative then yeah that’s a whole other issue
idk that’s the thing… I just can’t accept that she was actually selfish moneydriven or as disrespectful as she was. like how do you go from saying you love me, telling me to trust you to just dipping and never looking back? that’s wild. I could never do that, especially to someone who was good to me. but yeah you’re right. just wish I wasn’t still stuck on this six months later.
Why'd you stay with someone who lied about an STD and had messy relationships that treated you wrong? Is there something in you making you settle like that? I'm realizing a lot of my relationships failed 'cause I didn't respect or value myself enough. I'm starting to get my worth from a Christian perspective and it's giving me a whole new outlook. It still stings, but at least I’m learning.
I’ve been trying to figure this out in therapy. I’m not perfect but I treated her really well. I’m easy to please but she let me down big time. It really hit me when she just walked out like minutes before she was telling me how much she loved me and that I should trust her. Then she just bounced with no explanation. There’s a bunch of red flags in how she acted, but I still don’t get why I miss her so much after everything. Maybe it’s just because I cared about her so much or maybe I’m just stuck in this idea that there was some misunderstanding. I never got any real answers from her on why it went down the way it did. Or maybe I just really wanted it to work especially after everything she went through her second husband cheated on her, and her third was abusive. I was probably the best guy she had so I really wanted it to work.
You were doing way too much in the relationship.
you don’t miss her you’re just holding on to that resentment
I did have some resentment cuz of how she acted. But there’s also this weird feeling of missing her which doesn’t even make sense. She always said she wasn’t the affectionate type not even with her kids. Like holding hands was a big thing for her so it’s not like I was getting a ton of affection or anything.
@ProffPPD What do you even miss tho?
The post and this comment kinda feel salty like you're just pointing out her flaws. Doesn’t seem like there's anything good about her personality or values.
@Humanheart Yeah this is what I’m trying to figure out too. when I think about the relationship I gave and she kinda just took. We were close but she wasn’t super affectionate outside of that. Maybe I’m just mourning this version of things I imagined in my head? I’m not trying to bash her or anything I’m just pointing out the facts. It feels so clear but I still don’t get why I miss her. She never really did things like take me out or surprise me with small gestures or like cuddle up on the couch or anything thoughtful. And then when I had that financial mishap instead of offering to help or even saying I got this for once she just dipped when I stepped away to figure it out. But still I miss her and it doesn’t make sense. Like what am I even missing? I can’t shake the feeling of missing her. A part of me still thinks there was a misunderstanding that maybe she never wanted this to happen and that she could’ve been a good partner. But there’s no real proof of that and my mind just keeps telling me otherwise. It’s really frustrating.
@ProffPPD Got it thanks for opening up more.
Two things popped into my head.
First it sounds like you might be overthinking a lot about what she didn’t do and it’s making it harder to remember the good things she did.
From what you’ve shared there’s a few things you feel she didn’t give you and those seem to be the things that mattered the most to you.
so it kinda feels like you’re stuck imagining this ideal version of her who gave you those things even if you’re trying to remind yourself she didn’t. I think you might be holding onto this idea of what she could've been even though that version isn't real.
Second sometimes we don’t actually miss the person we miss who we were with them. You said things were tough after so maybe there's some grief about losing yourself more than anything with her.
@Humanheart I think my feelings are messing with the memories of what went down with her. My heart wants to believe it was all a misunderstanding and that she was this amazing, loving partner. But my head knows that’s just not the truth. She was generous just not with me. She gave to her fam and friends but not me. There were too many times (like when she didn’t tell me about her STD) that I brushed off as mistakes when they clearly weren’t. Like when she said You would've known if I had an outbreak you would've felt it. So yeah she definitely didn’t have my best interests at heart. Whether it was always racking up huge dinner bills and never chipping in or risking my health with no apology she just wasn’t the right partner for me. I guess the only move now is to stop wishing for what never was and just toughen up.