I feel like I'm stuck in the most confusing stressful mess ever

I feel like I'm stuck in the most confusing stressful mess ever.
It all started at my remote bank job. I was actually planning to quit on my one year anniversary but something told me to hold off. Then two weeks later this new coworker (F31) joined.
Most of my team is older so I end up helping them with tech stuff a lot. One day an older coworker I usually help called me and the new girl was with her for training. I remember thinking Wow she’s probably close to my age!
Soon after she started messaging me for work stuff but the convos quickly turned more personal. She was fun easy to talk to and I found myself looking forward to our chats every day.
By December things had shifted. She started sending playful messages calling me hers and sending affectionate GIFs. In January I took a week off and when I came back she was super upset I’d been gone. A few days later we swapped numbers and things escalated fast we were texting FaceTiming and talking all the time.
She’d always compliment me get hyped about me and say sweet things. She even sent me a handmade knitted hat and a heartfelt letter for my birthday. It felt perfect.
We made plans to meet up. We thought about meeting halfway but since she lives alone and I live with family we decided I’d visit her and work remotely while staying with her for a few days.
A few days before my trip she told me we needed to talk. She opened up about a rough past relationship that left her with a lot of trauma. She said it made it hard to open up emotionally. I reassured her I understood and respected her honesty and strength.
When I got there I could tell something was off. She was anxious shaking apologizing a lot and on the verge of a panic attack. She said she hadn’t had a man in her home in years and didn’t realize how much it would trigger memories from her past. Honestly it was pretty bad.
But after a couple of hours things calmed down. Not sure what changed but I just kept things normal and eventually we had a great time together. I thought we had worked through the shock.
Then the next morning the anxiety hit again. One minute she’d be fine then she’d shut down. Eventually she said she was feeling really unwell. I offered to leave early to give her space. She looked torn like she hated the idea of me leaving but didn’t know how to handle it.
Before I left I asked her where we stood. She was overwhelmed but reassured me it wasn’t me it was just harder than she thought. I asked Is this about not liking me anymore or not wanting this? but she was too emotional to give me a straight answer. It didn’t feel like she was trying to let me down easy it felt like she was drowning in emotions.
I told her I was willing to be patient and take things slow but she said No it’s not fair to you. I don’t want to do that to you. I reassured her I didn’t mind but she still seemed conflicted.
When I left she hugged me kissed me multiple times and cried a lot. It felt like a I miss you cry not a goodbye forever cry.
Now... I’m so lost.
It’s been two days since I got back. We still text and call but I feel like I’m the one initiating more. She’s still sweet but her vibe is way different much lower. We both got sick after the trip so that might be part of it.
The biggest shift? She’s way less affectionate. Before she’d shower me with compliments and loving words. Now she mostly responds with awww or heart-reacts to my messages. When I bring up sweet stuff she acknowledges it but sometimes just doesn’t respond at all. Her calls and FaceTimes have almost disappeared...
I can’t tell if she’s done with me or just dealing with something internally. I know she has a lot on her plate mentally and I want to be understanding but this is really hurting me.
I just want to call her and ask what happened where’d the love and affection go? Is that a good move or does anyone have a better way to deal with this?
The hardest part is I don’t open up easily because of past experiences and I don’t believe people love me easily... Even before our trip I told her that and she reassured me she was into me for a long time and that everything was real like all that love couldn’t have been fake. I still wear the hat she knit me and I remember how she’d look at me...
But her change even though I know it’s not out of malice is killing me. I just don’t get how she could go from being so affectionate to so distant. It’s the worst heartbreak I’ve ever felt.

Last updated on:2025-03-11T12:53:49+05:30