i got this longdistance thing with this guy but idk what to even call him bc we’re just exclusive like we’d probs be official bf/gf but i got a chronic illness n it’s lowkey scary bc what if i can’t fully commit yk?

i got this longdistance thing with this guy but idk what to even call him bc we’re just exclusive like we’d probs be official bf/gf but i got a chronic illness n it’s lowkey scary bc what if i can’t fully commit yk? but he’s basically my bf tbh like when i talk to ppl who don’t know the situation i just say he’s my bf so i don’t gotta explain all the complications
first couple months were literal perfection like constant flirting crazy attraction he was so sweet n comforting no matter what i was going thru fr made me feel so safe n wanted. he used to gas me up all the time always saying how much he wanted me n always would. never felt so loved or validated in my life. it really felt like as long as i had him i could handle anything
but after like 2 months i started noticing he wasn’t acting the same. not as caring not as affectionate n it felt like he wasn’t as physically or sexually into me. i started getting so anxious like what if he doesn’t want me anymore? what if he’s losing interest? n it’s been eating me alive. most of the time now i just feel unloved n unwanted. it’s breaking my heart bc i’m scared i’m just not lovable. he’s the only one who’s ever made me feel like that n now he barely does. like maybe i’m just unlovable fr
but idk if he’s actually pulling away or if i’m just spiraling n convincing myself he is bc i’m so scared of not being loved. another thing messing w my head is that he told me months ago he only likes me not loves me n that still hasn’t changed
i see all these love stories online w guys who are obsessed w their girl n it just hurts. like no one’s ever gonna love me like that. i really thought he would but clearly he doesn’t. it makes me wanna cry bc i want that so bad
last month i fully broke down bc i was convinced he was done w me n gonna leave. i couldn’t hold it in so i told him everything. he actually responded so sweetly reassured me that he still wanted me called me his special n said he wished he could’ve been there to cuddle me n make me feel better. he even admitted he should’ve been more affectionate since he knows i pms bad. n after that he was super loving for a couple weeks. things felt good again. but now? back to feeling like he couldn’t care less
the past few days i’ve been feeling so low like unwanted n ugly n just not enough. last night i fully lost it again n cried for hours couldn’t sleep was in so much pain. i texted him even tho i knew he was asleep didn’t say what was wrong tho bc i didn’t wanna sound repetitive or make things worse. just told him i was really sad n needed comfort. took some pills to sleep woke up hoping he’d sent something sweet n reassuring
but all he said was basically that he feels useless n like i need someone who can actually be there irl. also threw in that it’ll be a long time before he can visit. i told him i felt bad bc i know he likes his relationships chill w no drama n all he said was yeah anything for simplicity
at that point i cried even harder like it physically hurt. he didn’t even try to comfort me or make me feel better. i’ve been dropping hints for days that i needed extra love but nothing. a couple months ago if i told him i was crying he’d say he wished he could be there for me hold me comfort me. now? silence
idk what to do. this stress n heartbreak is unbearable. i can’t tell if he’s actually over me or if i’m just overthinking everything bc of my ocd but either way it hurts so bad

Last updated on:2025-03-13T14:08:31+05:30