About ten years ago I met this girl while working on an island. Not gonna get into all the details but somehow we just clicked and ended up together. We were a thing for about nine months but life started getting in the way—her studies my dad getting sick… He passed away two months after we broke up.
The breakup hit outta nowhere at least for me. We had this amazing five-day streak—going out staying up late just vibing. And then boom it was over. She ended it.
Not a single day has passed since where I haven’t thought about her. At first I missed her in a romantic way but over time I realized it was deeper than that. I missed having her in my life even just as a friend—someone to grab coffee with or hit up for a quick chat.
Five years after we split I saw her again on that same island. By then I was already with the woman who’s now my wife and she was seeing someone too. But she straight-up told me—if neither of us had been with anyone she could’ve easily been with me again. That stuck with me.
Now I’ve been with my wife for six years we have a baby girl and yet… those thoughts about my ex never really left. I’ve made peace with the fact that they probably never will and honestly I don’t even wanna erase them. That time in my life? One of the best. Why would I wanna forget that?
At one point I saw a psychologist and through our talks I realized something—my dad’s death and that breakup got tangled up in my head. The grief from losing him mixed with the pain of losing her. So now when I think of him I think of her. And when I think of her I think of him. Maybe that’s why I can’t fully move on.
I didn’t keep up with therapy. Had to leave for work life kept moving. But the feelings? They never really left.
And yet I feel kinda guilty about it like these thoughts are keeping me from being fully present with my wife and kid. I don’t wanna forget—I don’t think I ever could—but I do wish I could figure out how to live with them without feeling like they take away from the life I have now.
Last updated on:2025-03-24T11:22:17+05:30
Comments (9)
It's okay to have those memories.
Just don't let them control you.
Your wife and kid deserve your presence.
Focus on the now.
That island vibe was iconic.
But life moves on, ya know?
Your brain be doing the most.
Mixing up grief like that.
Trauma dumping is wild.
Sorry you went through all that.
Oof, the feels are real.
That's a lot to unpack.
i had this same feeling long ago for a guy just before I got married. For a long time I felt I loved this other person silently and was not fully present in my marriage. Then during covidI reached out to him and we texted for quite some time. i guess i was looking for closure. then i realised that time was special, it wasnt really him. he had become cynical over the years and wasnt the image i had been thinking about. talking to him after so long freed me.
Sometimes in life we meet someone who just feels like this right person. and may be this person is and being with them is like this soothing experience that we are looking for.When a break up happens in such a situation Our heart will never take the rejection. It has one of this sweetest memories of this soothing experience and any rejection from this is always going to be not easy.The only way to move on from this is to become the person who is that peace and joy in itself that one feels with that particular person.Thats the only way to not let this rejection hurt you everyday of your life and move on from it.
wow thats a wonderful thought!