we split in 2013 n tbh i moved on kinda quick bc that last year was hell
since then most thoughts abt him were like ugh that was annoying or huh that was nice n only a few times it really hit me like on what would've been our 10 yr anniversary
but this past week?? feels like i’m a teen in love w him all over again. first thought when i wake up last one when i crash. he’s just always on my mind
i miss how he’d drop whatever he was doing just to hug me when i got home. i miss his arms around me his kisses even those long ass nerdy rants i pretended to hate lmao
i just lay here daydreaming abt when we were dating—those summer nights that felt endless. that rush of a new romance where u just wanna learn every little thing abt them. writing notes planning the future all that cute shit
there’s this one specific memory stuck in my head rn—chilling in the park w him n his friends writing little love notes on his jeans. man i miss those days
n now i’m running on fumes bc i barely slept all week. just been hugging a pillow n staring at the clock feeling like absolute shit
yesterday i broke down crying while making dinner. i can’t even hold a convo w ppl w/o getting annoyed like they’re interrupting my daydreams lol if that makes sense
i know i shouldn’t feel this way. my life’s good—stable job solid friends loving fam...but i really thought he’d still be in my life. we were weeks away from buying a house i wanted kids w him. there was so much we never got to do
n bro i literally gave up so much for him. my mom nearly disowned me when we moved in together for college but i didn’t care bc i wanted him that bad. all i ever really asked was for us to go to church together n he couldn’t even do that even tho he promised
it hurt that we spent most holidays apart even after we got married. n when we DID visit family he’d just drop me at my mom’s n dip to his parents. like??
thinking back to how we used to sneak around just to spend the night together but when we finally could he didn’t even want to. idk if he ever got what a big deal that was for me
but fr i should’ve seen all this coming. the red flags were SCREAMING n i ignored them all.
his anger issues. the tantrums. lying abt the dumbest shit. the racist/misogynistic/homophobic bs he’d spew. no job stability no ambition. spending recklessly when we were broke af while i was out here working 3 jobs n in school.
constantly running back to his parents. the drinking. the past drug use.
more than once i caught myself thinking how tf did i marry someone like this??”
but i still did everything i could to make it work bc i knew deep down there was still that guy i fell for. the one i thought i’d spend my life w. the same guy who when my mom invited him for dinner didn’t even have to be asked—he just got up n did the dishes. god that was so hot
not saying i was perfect no one is. but i’ll never apologize for prioritizing my education. i told him it mattered to me n that i was giving all i had at the moment just needed him to be patient. once college was over we’d have our time
but nah he left me for her the day after my bday on our 3rd anniversary a few weeks before i finished school. now they’re married n traveling the world together.
no one’s ever made me feel as low as he did...n yet i still wish i could be lying next to him whispering "i love you" as i fall asleep on his chest
the feminist in me is screaming rn but...i still want him. all of him. the good the bad even the shit that drove me crazy n the stuff i hated
no one knows i kept some of our pics. spent yesterday staring at one of our first ones—us near the lil bridge at niagara falls. we were so happy then. now i’m just here crying while writing this
idk wtf is going on. winter blues? boredom? my biological clock or some shit? whatever it is it sucks.
today was a lil better tho finally ate after days of feeling sick. maybe tonight i’ll actually sleep instead of sobbing at 4am lol
not even sure why i’m writing this. i know y’all got better shit to do than read some random chick’s emotional spiral lol
maybe i just needed to get it outta my head. or like...manifest a time machine?? lmk if anyone invents ne lmao
n to my ex...u know i hate lying so i won’t. i still want u.
Last updated on:2025-03-28T18:59:56+05:30
Comments (9)
May be if possible and it wasn't that messy , connect with him on call once and ask how is his life? .May be there is some emotion unprocessed or some life lesson still needs to be learnt.Also in case you have been disgusted about him or upset about him that still means you were giving him space in your head that really counts and some times comes out after long time.
Delayed grief? Same here I didn't really mourn my cheating ex-fiancé at first cuz I was too mad about what he did but now months later it's hitting me. I lowkey need a grief therapist but I just can't afford it. If you're doing good financially maybe consider seeing a grief specialist cuz it really sounds like delayed grief tbh.
Yeah maybe like I said I thought I was over it pretty quick but I guess that’s cuz I’d already been dealing with it for like a year. Delayed grief def makes sense tho
The thing with seeing a therapist is I got a medical cert for flying and there’s a legit chance they take that away but I’ll still check it out
love don’t play around
The heart be wild fr. I miss mt girl even tho I’ve been in love since. It hits harder during heartbreak or when life be stressin me out. Think it’s that feeling of stability or at least the illusion of it
love is wild fr amazing but lowkey painful sometimes
appreciate the comment hope you're doin okay 🧡
@sadreflect I'm doin' alright some good days some bad but way better than a few weeks ago
Fr tho love is such a dope feeling, it takes something good and makes it even better hope you get to feel that again 🙏
@Abrors Thanks, hope the same for you too just taking it day by day
@sadreflect Fr fr one day at a time feels endless when you're in it but lowkey just a blink once it’s gone