Okay so I’m dealing with my first real heartbreak in my 30s and it's hitting hard. Been living in USA for 4+ years and my closest friends are back in the States so venting isn’t an option rn. I have too many emotions too much time and no clue how to move on.
I cried four times today which is kinda progress I guess. Used to be scared to even leave my house now I’m trying but the sadness is everywhere. I’ll be chilling then boom—crying in public at the bus stop on the train mid-convo in my bed the shower... like it just hits. Thought I was gonna marry this guy really thought he was my person. We broke up last summer but kept talking back and forth for seven months and now I see that was the dumbest move ever. Still I just need to know how do y’all move on faster? I feel like a burden being this sad all the time.
I tried going out hit Hongdae and Itaewon last night but everywhere I went I looked for him. Didn’t see him cried in the bathroom came back faked smiles danced repeated. On the outside I’m functioning. Inside I’m in pieces. My friends said first heartbreaks hit the worst... yeah no lies detected.
I hate how easy it is for him. Told me he was sad about us ending but he’s already talking to girls living life. Like if he really wanted us back wouldn’t he have fought for it? He didn’t say it outright but his actions are LOUD. And now I just feel pathetic stuck on him while he’s vibing. I should’ve known months ago but I kept hoping. I was that ex still texting still treating him like he was mine. I need advice—how do y’all move past this? ‘Cause I can’t keep going on like this.
I wish I didn’t care. Wish I could turn off my feelings. If he came back I’d take him no hesitation even after everything. But I finally get that he doesn’t want that just didn’t know how to say it so he showed me with distance. And honestly I can’t beg someone to love me. I know it’s over. But I keep thinking about what we had what we could’ve had and that he’s probably gonna have that with someone else... it wrecks me.
I know our relationship had problems I wasn’t perfect. He was my first real love and I learned a lot about myself my triggers my past traumas. He had his own stuff too but he didn’t let it spill onto me the way I did. Still I thought we’d figure it out together. But now I’m wondering—am I just too much? Like at what point am I "healed enough" to deserve love again? I put my whole heart into this and it wasn’t enough.
Anyway cry number five is coming in hot. At least I’m home so I’ll just cry myself to sleep. Got work tomorrow just praying I don’t break down in the middle of the day. I hate feeling like this especially when he’s just... fine.
Last updated on:2025-04-02T19:22:02+05:30
Comments (10)
my Heart is full of emotions reading your comment but I hope you are holding on. Please share everything over here.This is where you can look for support and help. Trust me you are Loving person and you don't need to feel bad about it.Just because someone wronged you doesn't mean you start wishing to be bitter. As for him it won't last long.Be strong and start looking for life that feeling of being alive it's there... God bless you
I know it hurts now but if you keep choosing yourself the love meant for you will find its way. Stay patient with your heart.
You weren’t too much. The right person will embrace every part of you, flaws included. Don’t let this heartbreak make you doubt that.
It’s not pathetic to love someone fully. What’s sad is when they don’t see the value of what they had. You’re going to be okay.
His ability to move on says more about him than you. Some people heal by replacing others heal by processing. You’re doing it the right way.
I feel every word of this. First heartbreaks hit different but I promise you won’t feel this way forever. Healing takes time.
sorry you're going through this fr. sucks that your friends aren’t around but you’re not alone. we got you. you’re not a loser at all you deserve love. we're here anytime if you need to vent cry or just want some reassurance
appreciate it sm🫶🏾 I got friends here in usa too and I’m finally starting to open up to them about everything I usually keep stuff to myself cuz I don’t wanna burden anyone but also lowkey didn’t wanna face the reality of the relationship means a lot that you replied with kindness and support fr
I feel you fr I'm going through something super similar relationship it's rough some days I'm chill then outta nowhere I just break down but reading your post lowkey reminded me we’re not alone even if it feels like it You’re not pathetic you loved hard and that takes guts it sucks now but I keep telling myself one day the heart catches up to what the head already knows stay strong we got this
Omg That’s rough I'm so so sorry 😔 fr tho thanks for the encouragement you’re right we’re not alone in this and that helps a bit I really believe we’ll get through it too sending u big virtual hugs ♡