I broke up with my boyfriend of almost two years and even though it feels strange to share this here I’m struggling

I broke up with my boyfriend of almost two years and even though it feels strange to share this here I’m struggling. Our relationship was filled with love but I couldn’t shake the doubt about our future. I voiced my concerns multiple times and we kept trying but the uncertainty started consuming me. It took a toll on my mental and physical health. I couldn’t eat anxiety made me sick and eventually I felt like ending things was the only option.
It’s been a few weeks and I’ve been going to therapy regularly. For a little while after I feel okay but then I start thinking about him again. The shame is overwhelming. He just wanted to love me and I was so hot and cold—it wasn’t fair to him. He was kind patient and never treated me the way I treated him. I hate that I hurt him. I know I need to heal and make sure I never do this to anyone else but living with the fact that I caused him pain is unbearable.
This was my first real relationship and I didn’t realize how much healing I needed to do until now. My past trauma shaped me more than I ever understood and I didn’t realize how much it affected us. I didn’t know what it truly took to be in a healthy relationship.
Now I don’t even know if I made the right choice. I miss him..his hugs our conversations the way he felt close to me. But I know deep down he deserves someone who is sure about him someone steady someone who won’t hurt him the way I did.
Thinking about the future terrifies me. I have no confidence in my choices and I let fear control my life. I want to do better to be better but I don’t know how. My anxiety is loud my thoughts are nonstop and I just want peace.
Maybe someday when I’ve healed we’ll find our way back to each other. But I know he deserves better and I can’t change the past. Honestly I feel like I should stay single I never want to go through this again or hurt anyone ever again.
I’m sorry. I hope you find the happiness you’ve always deserved that you heal in every way possible and that life gives you everything you ever wanted. I want to tell you all of this directly but I know it won’t change anything. So I’ll say it here instead.

Last updated on:2025-04-09T12:57:56+05:30