This whole thing just sucks. When we first got together he literally cried and said he never thought he'd be in a good relationship again. The love was so real so pure. And I tore it apart.
I fell back into old habits trust issues emotional intensity always looking for the negative because of my attachment anxiety. I let my fear get in the way was unsupportive of his dreams and even started talking to him the way my mom talks to me when she’s worried. He showed me love in so many ways but I couldn’t see it. I never felt good enough and I ended up taking it out on him. And then I cheated. My self esteem and impulse control issues ruined everything.
Tonight I found out from a mutual friend that he had felt the relationship wasn’t right for a while. That hurt. I wish I had known sooner. We started off feeling like soulmates and somehow I destroyed that.
I hate that this is the reality but here I am bargaining with grief. If I had known how much it was affecting him I would have gone to therapy. He told me I should but I ignored it. I wish he had pushed harder told me we needed a break until I figured things out maybe then I would have seen the damage before it was too late. Instead I only woke up after my own betrayal broke us.
I know I need to learn to love myself first but I can’t let go. I know in my heart I would never hurt him again and I just wish I had the chance to be the person he deserves. I’ve never loved or admired anyone like I love him.
I’m such a mess.
Last updated on:2025-04-10T12:38:50+05:30
Comments (2)
that is a big realisation. the fact that you realise it is in itself a step towards becoming better. dont be so hard on yourself. do remember that your behaviour can be reactionary to another persons behaviour. make the change in you not for anyone elae but yourself.
sounds like he wasn’t really ready for a new relationship if he was still comparing it to some past trauma.but fr the biggest thing is we gotta be solid with ourselves first.that self love stuff matters for real and it takes time.like think of it this way
if you’re only at 50% and you get into something, you can’t expect it to give you 100% back.you gotta figure out where the insecurity or trust issues are coming from
and work on that solo first
self-worth isn’t something someone else can fix for you..and trying to heal while in a relationship usually just gets messy like it did here. you got this girl fr