My ex (29F) and I (29M) broke up three months ago after 6.5 years together. The first four years were solid but the last two were filled with more and more disagreements nothing crazy just stuff like renting vs. buying and wedding plans.
Last year after a small argument on vacation she called off the wedding said she was emotionally drained from our fights and wasn’t sure she wanted to get married. I pushed for couples therapy but it didn’t help. She pinned all our issues on me said she had compromised too much and didn’t see a happy future with me. She even admitted she’d fallen out of love. I took full accountability did everything to change and fought for us. Meanwhile she moved to a new city and we kept going back and forth technically still together.
By August things were shaky and I asked what I could do to save us. She told me to move to her city so I did. We had three decent months but something still felt off. I was constantly walking on eggshells focused on keeping the relationship alive. My work suffered my mental health tanked and I lost myself.
Toward the end of the year she got distant again and when we finally talked she admitted she still resented me. No matter how much I had changed she just couldn’t make herself stay. That crushed me. I told her I understood her pain but she never acknowledged mine. I had given everything and I wasn’t getting the love security or appreciation I needed. That conversation led to the final breakup which she initiated. This time she framed it as compatibility instead of blaming me saying we wanted different things and were in different emotional places. I agreed not because I wanted to but because I was too exhausted to fight for something that was slipping away.
At first I thought I was doing okay. But over the last two months I’ve spiraled back into denial and bargaining. I still feel the urge to call her to beg her to try again even though I know deep down it wouldn’t work. My therapist believes she was emotionally abusive last year never taking accountability making me prove my worth expecting me to convince her to stay while she did nothing. I see my mistakes but I also know I gave everything while she waited for me to fix things.
We had been mostly no-contact but last week I caved and called her. She was friendly completely at peace saying she’s excited for new things in life. She told me she had no unresolved feelings and that if I ever want to talk I can still text or call her. That shattered me. How did she move on so fast after 6.5 years while I’m still drowning in it? Feels like she emotionally checked out last year while I was clinging on.
How do I accept this and let go? How do I move forward when she was the only person I ever truly loved? We were supposed to be traveling the world together and now I’m here fighting for my own life battling intrusive thoughts struggling with my mental health barely able to work or maintain relationships stuck between what my heart wants and what my head knows.
Last updated on:2025-04-10T16:54:08+05:30
Comments (8)
This pain won’t last forever. One day you’ll look back and realize you needed this time to become the person you were always meant to be.
Walking on eggshells in a relationship takes a toll and it’s okay to admit you lost yourself. Now’s the time to focus on rebuilding your identity.
You’re holding on because you loved deeply and that’s nothing to be ashamed of. It’ll take time to rebuild but you’re stronger than you think.
May be she had already started Moving on, When she stated that it was not working out for her.Anyways you sharing and asking for help is actually a very commendable step to help you move on. and yes sometimes what hurts more is how the other person can move on so easily but though Its easily said than done, I would always say it better to be the one bitten than who bites. cuz then only you get the opportunity to know yourself truly.
She might have checked out emotionally earlier but that doesn’t mean your feelings aren’t valid. Healing takes time be patient with yourself.
It’s incredibly tough to feel like you gave everything and it still wasn’t enough but remember love isn’t one-sided. You deserve someone who meets you halfway
Letting go after such a long relationship is heartbreaking but you’re doing the hardest part acknowledging your pain and working through it. That’s how healing starts.
So sorry you’re going through this, OP. Honestly you should follow your head over your heart. Your therapist made solid points about accountability take that to heart. Cutting contact (NC) will probably help you heal faster than texting into the void or stalking her social media. It’s tough and will take time, but focus on improving yourself before jumping into something new.
I wouldn’t recommend waiting on her either it’s just not a good look (not trying to be harsh). It feels like she hasn’t really done much to fix things on her end. Moving away, fighting over small stuff, and not putting effort into counseling all seem selfish. You deserve better.
You’ve got this. Take care of yourself. 💙