Okay so like I'm mad heartbroken and it's like I'm sad about someone who wasn't even mine for real. And the worst part? I gave him everything. Literally everything.
This dude Slovi made me feel like I was too much but he just kept taking and taking from me. Gave him so many chances swallowed my own needs and boundaries and self-respect just to make it work just to keep him comfy. And now that I finally stood up for myself he's got the nerve to say SloviI love you we can work through this.Slovi
Work through what exactly? Him lying? Hiding stuff? Secret Discord accounts talking to other girls and sending stuff while saying I was the only one? Saying he loves me but treating me like background noise? Like I was just convenient?
Don't think he ever truly loved me. Think he loved how I loved him. How I bent over backwards to show up. How I was always there emotionally forgiving understanding even when I was breaking. He'd say you're my home but treated me like a rest stop not a place to protect.
I got bpd I'm bipolar disorganized attachment. I know I feel things deep. I know I hold on tight. And I overextend myself hoping someone will finally choose me. But this? This felt manipulative cold empty. And I'm finally seeing it.
I'm pissed cuz I can't unsee it now. And what's worse? Part of me still wants him to chase me prove me wrong believe maybe this time it'll be different. But the other part of me the tired broken wiser part knows he ain't gonna change. Not for me not for anyone.
He says he loves me but chooses everything else over me. Every time. Video games Discord chats silence ghosting. Shows up when it benefits him disappears when I need him most. Caught him lying again and when I called him out? Just I love you we'll work through it.
No taking responsibility no thinking about it just a chill line to stop me from leaving.
And that's when it hit me he doesn't actually fear losing me. He fears losing access to me.
And that's why I'm mad. Not cuz I hate him not for revenge. But cuz I finally see I was never really chosen. Just convenient soft easy to mess with.
And I hate that I let him make me feel like I was the problem. Hate that I believed I was too much when really he just gave too little.
I've written goodbye letters journaled everything kept the receipts the screenshots the calls the moments that made me feel small. But the truth is I'm not fully ready to dip. As much as I see the red flags the patterns the immaturity I still love him. Still wanna believe we could fix it. And that's what scares me the most.
Anyone been here? In love with someone who might have those narc traits? Who gave you just enough to stay never enough to feel safe? How did you break that? How did you let go?
Don't need the sugar coating just real stories from people who got through this.
Cuz right now I feel like I'm at a cliff and every part of me wants to jump back into something that already burned me.
Thanks if you read this. Just needed to say it somewhere. Cuz I don't wanna keep calling this love when it might just be a trauma bond in disguise.
Last updated on:2025-05-05T13:54:36+05:30
Comments (7)
Love should make you feel safe wanted and cherished not confused drained and disposable.
He feared losing access to you not losing you. And that difference is everything.
He didn’t love you the way you loved him and that’s heartbreaking. But one day you’ll find someone who does and it will feel different secure and real.
It’s terrifying to let go of someone you love even when they’ve hurt you. But staying won’t change them only stepping away gives you the peace you need.
You were never the problem. You gave everything and he gave just enough to keep you holding on.
You're not crazy for feeling torn. Love even when unhealthy is hard to let go of. But deep down you know love isn’t supposed to feel like this it’s supposed to be healing not exhausting.
This realization is painful but powerful. Seeing the truth, even when it breaks your heart is the first step toward freeing yourself from the cycle. You deserve love that feels safe not love that demands suffering.