beginning of this month thing with my ex just ended. It was super fast. Either our old issues clashed or she was low-key on Snapchat looking for something else.
I've been dealing with depression and anxiety my whole life. Had moments where I was stuck in my head with negative thoughts. She was supportive then tried to help me find joy. I appreciated it even if I sucked at showing pure love. I always went hard for her with her needs and life stuff and made sure our place was good since she was so busy with work nonprofit and other chaos. I was always there for her with love.
We always had these check-ins about our needs if we felt loved if we were still on track for our future. I worked with what we talked about. I always thought I was doing good.
Sice March she started acting different doubting her life turning 30. It only popped up a few weeks in when I was trying to figure out what was up. I got more scared about us. Her time with friends blew up and we barely hung out. I started pulling back and she just distanced herself more.
During all this she was sus with her phone. Not even subtle. At dinner I'd see her typing then she'd flip her phone down fast. When I'd get her coffee at night walking from the kitchen to the living room I'd see her on the couch typing what looked like Snapchat. When I walked in she'd click out the chat and just randomly swipe through her phone.
I confronted her. She pulled away more and pushed back saying I was controlling and I wouldn't get it anyway. I let it go and tried to get myself in a good head space.
Fast forward to early April after a concert. She went to shower then we were gonna sleep for her early work. Soon as she got in the shower I heard Snapchat messages from the living room. I was shook. Was she sending nudes on Snapchat? All evening she was chill with her phone sending pics on WhatsApp no Snapchat vibes at all.
I tried to shrug it off thinking maybe she just wanted to send it there too. After her shower I got undressed and went to the bathroom to put my clothes in the hamper. Her phone was just open on the faucet next to the hamper with a chat. She freaked snatched her phone to close the screen. I was lost. We tried sleeping but after two hours of pure pain I turned on the lights woke her up and asked if she was having an affair.
She started yelling and crying like 'Oh no you are not doing this. Not now. Turn off the lights or I'm leaving.' More mumbling then I was like 'I think we need some space a break.' She got up packed some stuff and bounced to her parents.
This month I've been talking a lot with friends my therapist and her parents who I wanna thank for being so open. I've been blaming myself so much for this breakup. If I was the man I was when we first met she wouldn't need to find someone else (if there was an affair). I shouldn't have been such a depressed loser and just lived life to the fullest she'd still be with me. I shouldn't have been so insecure about her changing and less time together she might've felt free to do more in her life.
I had a past issue where I took space and my ex then got sad. I think that still makes me believe too much distance breaks things. She had an ex in her early 20s who was controlling and didn't let her chill with friends. She said she wanted to relive that time getting to 30. Quarterlife crisis she called it.
I seriously wonder if our past wounds just messed with each other. I wonder if my depression lowkey killed the romance and pushed her to find someone else. I feel like everything that went down was my fault. Because I couldn't be the stable guy in the relationship. Even though I did everything we talked about needing for us.
It hurts so much. I'm so lonely. My future feels kinda crashed now. I barely eat cause I'm constantly sick and grieving. I call helplines like 3 times a day just to vent and keep going for a few more hours before I crash again. All these thoughts like it's all my fault.
I need help. I'm lost.
Last updated on:2025-06-03T23:30:15+05:30
Comments (7)
Hey you have been through a lot and I know this might sound irrelevant but I promise it's not.first of all you dont need to blame yourself to be depressed or sad that's just how you were but off course you can. ask yourself how do you want to be.How do you want the most important relationship of yours to be ,You with Yourself and if you are Willing to change that I promise so many things will just disappear
Your future isn’t crashed even if it feels that way right now. You are still here still breathing still capable of rebuilding. And one day soon you’ll wake up and realize you survived this. You’re already on your way.
She made choices and so did you. You are not the villain in this story and blaming yourself won’t change the past. But what will change your future is learning to forgive yourself for things that were never truly in your control.
The hardest part of heartbreak is believing it was all your fault. But relationships unravel for so many reasons and clinging to guilt will only weigh you down. You deserve grace healing and a love that doesn’t leave you questioning your worth.
That gut wrenching loneliness the sleepless nights the selfblame I’ve felt all of it.
i’ve blamed myself for a breakup too convincing myself that if I had been stronger happier better they wouldn’t have left. But love isn’t about perfection it’s about showing up as you are and if that wasn’t enough for them it was never meant to last.
I know that spiral that overwhelming flood of what ifs and if onlys. But listen this wasn’t all your fault. Love isn’t a solo act it’s a partnership. And when someone drifts away it’s never just one person’s burden to carry.