my bf and I been together like almost 10 years. We went LDR for work since 2022. He moved to SG in 2022 then I got a job in Europe before he came back. We still saw each other every 6-8 months so it was chill at first.
Then early last year I found out he was feeling a coworker from SG. He said he tried to distance himself so nothing would get serious but stayed friends. They were a trio but last year when they were back in PH he'd meet up with just this one girl for coffee or lunch. I was not okay with that from day one. A few months later I told him to cut her off. He said he valued her friendship too much and wouldn't. He told me it wouldn't happen again since she was resigning and moving abroad too to the same country I'm in.
Late last year our relationship got super rocky. Part of it was I couldn't get him to move here like he wouldn't even apply for jobs. And part was they were still talking and I couldn't get over it.
early this year I was just tired. Felt like I was missing out on my life here abroad just overthinking us. No plans from him no sign of him moving no proposal. I was always told to be strong but I needed him to show he cared and I just thought life would be easier if we were together. So I broke up with him and it was weird I didn't even feel hurt even after 10 years like throwing away our whole imagined future. A month and a half later his family noticed and messaged me. Thats when I relapsed and felt sad and messaged him to get back together.
He was super soft and took me back. A few days later I found out he told her first about our breakup. And they'd been talking for weeks while we were broken up. Their convos started with work rants but they talked almost daily. It got deep he knew her coworkers what time she woke up what she ate what she did outside work they sent each other memes and reels on Teams and Insta. I told him I wanted to make it work I'd even move back after a year if he wouldn't move here. But I cannot deal with him and this girl anymore. I asked him to cut her off and he couldn't give a straight yes.
Now I booked a flight to the PH for a vacay. Part break from work part trying to fix us. He knew last Tuesday I was flying back but today I asked if they're still talking and yeah still on Teams and Insta.
He's a genuinely good person like green flag for us. But why can't he drop this girl if she's just a friend and he loves me? I told him I'm drowning in depression these past months and she's a trigger. But why is he still talking to her like that?
Idk I feel like I'm losing my dignity staying but idk how to move on without him. This trip is my last shot. Idk how it'll go. Maybe if I'm there the communication will stop and I'll ask him one last time to cut her off. If he still won't I guess I gotta walk away. Even if I don't know how. I feel like I'll just get more depressed if we break up but staying will just keep hurting me.
Any advice? Do you think he's fallen out of love and lowkey likes her but won't admit it? What should I do?
Last updated on:2025-06-04T17:54:26+05:30
Comments (8)
Sometimes love isn’t about holding on it’s about knowing when to let go. If his actions don’t align with his words then deep down you already know the answer. Trust yourself.
I know walking away feels impossible but so does staying in a situation that’s draining you. The love you have for him is real but ask yourself is it making you happy or is it keeping you stuck?
The fact that he confided in her first about your breakup speaks volumes. If she’s just a friend why did she get the first conversation instead of you? If he’s emotionally invested in her that’s already a problem.
If he truly wanted a future with you he would’ve already made moves toward being with you. Love doesn’t stall doesn’t hesitate it shows up no matter the distance no matter the obstacles.
You feel like you’re losing your dignity because deep down you know you shouldn’t have to beg someone to show up for you fully. Trust that instinct it’s guiding you toward selfrespect.
It’s painful when someone refuses to let go of another person despite knowing how much it hurts you. I’ve learned that if someone can’t prioritize the relationship fully they’re not ready for the love you deserve.
The worst feeling is knowing someone loves you but won’t make the effort to keep you. If he truly valued what you had, why does he still keep her so close? That question alone speaks volumes.
I’ve been in your shoes clinging to the hope that proximity would fix everything. But love isn’t about ultimatums it’s about choice. And if he keeps choosing her over your peacemaybe it’s time to choose yourself.