Met my ex a little over a year ago

Met my ex a little over a year ago. From the jump I was all in legit devoted vulnerable. Brought her flowers on V-Day wrote her little notes listened to her dreams helped with her thesis even supported her fam. I was in love deeply foolishly maybe but honestly.
Just a month into us being official she said she wasn't sure. Needed space. I had just fallen for her and suddenly I'm crying begging her not to leave. That moment changed everything.
After that I wasn't myself. Walking on eggshells. Trying to be perfect. Started lying not to hurt her but to avoid fights to make her happy to keep her from leaving. Every time she got cold or distant I'd panic. Lied to protect us but also outta fear. Thought I was saving something real. Really I was erasing myself.
She often made me feel like my emotions were too much. Like I asked for too much affection. Like my love was a burden. During sex if I finished too soon she'd go cold sometimes just leave. I started feeling like I had to perform in every part of our relationship like love was a test I had to pass daily.
She never truly wanted a future with me. Told me I had to accept things as they were no guarantees no long-term plans. I agreed to everything. Made myself small. She once said she wasn't even sure she ever loved me and I stayed. Kept loving harder more desperately.
Eventually it all blew up. I told her the truth about some lies to avoid conflict and she called me a manipulator a liar selfish. She left and never looked back. Left me with the guilt the shame the label.
But here's the real truth: I wasn't trying to control her. I was trying not to lose her. I gave more than I had. Lost myself in someone who never made room for all of me. And I regret that now not because I loved but because I stopped loving myself in the process.
Wish I had dipped sooner. Wish I kept my boundaries. Wish I hadn't begged for the bare minimum from someone who was never truly in it.
Now I'm trying to rebuild. To feel worthy again. To remember I'm enough not because someone else says so but because I decide that for myself.
So if your love feels like a performance if you're constantly adjusting just to be tolerated walk away. Real love doesn't make you feel like you have to earn it every day.
This past month I've been feeling better. She blocked me everywhere her friends dipped and I weirdly swing between sad mad and horny.

Last updated on:2025-06-09T23:34:20+05:30