No contact wasn't really my choice it just happened because he ghosts and disappears a lot which his job actually taught him to do. We didn't get to spend much time together but the time we did I really felt like I got to know the real him at first I even told him I saw the light in his darkness which sounds cringy but I believed it and stuck by it. As time went on especially when we were living together when he was back I truly realized how much he struggles with mental health like really bad bipolar and PTSD not to mention his alcohol issue. Sometimes things would be amazing and other times I'd be worrying panicking and just feeling anxious. I tried to understand him but it always felt like it was on his terms how can I be with a man I can't even get a reply from who said he'd never hurt me but then scares me with what he says? Whe he felt like it hed just turn up and let me spend money on him always saying he'd pay me back but somehow never did. Everyone's teling me what I already know which is that he'll be back and I dont want to feel alon but I feel incredibly alone in this relationship. It's weird though one time he was here for two weeks and it was mostly decent then another time he was here for five days and it starte okay but then I had a night where my mental health was really bad and I felt like he didn't even try to make it better or comfort me he just said grow up which he did apologize for. But since then I becam distant even though he said he cared for me because he keeps coming back but he isn't able to feel anything when I spoke to him about personal things he'd tell me how he was taught to look interested in conversations and I realized he was doing that to me. He isnt capable of caring so I've mostly given up talking to him. Thre weeks passed with no word from him and then I saw his car drive past me he turns up very suddenly most times usually a call and then he's near my place within 30 minutesbut I wasn't sure if it was him driving I just saw the car. It's made me feel uneasy because I haven't heard from him and it generally doesn't make much sense for him to be around here so close to where I live. Since he always unexpectedly turns up I'm scared of seeing his car and him and the unexpectedness has made me quite paranoid. I don't have much to actually miss about him but it was still the mental illusion that I had someone more than actually missing him. I saw good potential in him and I did see light but I think his light is fading in my eye though I still miss him so I'm confused about how to react to all this and how to move forward. I feel bad for not being as tough as I should have been or as understanding or not being good enough for him to take me seriously or I don't even know at this point I just feel bad. He did and does have good parts but he just caused me sleepless nights money loss and trauma including PTSD so bad he had no idea who I was a lot went on mentally overall.
Last updated on:2025-06-13T00:38:53+05:30
Comments (5)
Hey seems like you have gone through a lot and I guess , that was the best your partner could do because of his own issues.You taking a break from him will give him also an opportunity to look at him self and figure himself and his life out.There is no other way around it.Meanwhile you can try and move ahead in Your life to see how you can grow into a loving, peaceful and fulfilling person
hyy I’ve felt that mental illusion too missing the idea of having someone even when they weren’t good for me. It’s hard to let go but I realized I was holding onto a fantasy not reality.
Ive been scared of someone’s unpredictabilty too. It’s not love when you’re constantly anxious or walking on eggshells. Love should feel safe not like a storm you can’t control.
I stayed with someone who made me feel more alone than bein single ever did. It’s confusing because you miss the idea of them, but deep dow you know they’re not capabl of giving you what you need.
I’ve been ther holding onto someone’s potential while ignoring the pain they caused. It’s hard to let go of the idea of who they could be but I realize I deserve someone who’s good for me now