I met this guy at the end of February in another city and he was the one who pursued me. It was a 2.5-month long-distance thing until he came to my city and we spent 10 perfect days together. Once he arrived we had an amazing time he was incredibly affectionate and I'd never had anyone who could talk me down so well whenever I was anxious. He would cook for me cuddle me and I felt like all his attention was on me. I wasn't in love with him yet but I could feel myself slowly falling. I knew we had to have a talk eventually because I'm moving to the US in July while he lives in NZ and we have very different goals. Plus he's someone who never gets jealous and might even be okay with a polyamorous relationship (though he only told me this on our last night) unlike me who can only focus on one person. I asked him what he was thinking and he suddenly broke down crying on my chest. He told me he wasn't over his ex or the one he loved before (apparently this person was the love of his life even though they never actually dated). He also said he falls in love too easily and people leave him the moment he says I love you and that he's never cheated but once fell for someone else while already in a relationship. These were major red flags for me but I couldn't be mad at him because of how much pain he seemed to be in. He also mentioned he'd been depressed for the last couple of weeks to the point where he couldn't get out of bed. I felt guilty too because I was so focused on myself and my feelings that I didn't even notice how much he was suffering alone. With these issues and how difficult things already were we separated promising to write to each other once a year on our birthdays. Now my issue is even though I never imagined a future with this person knowing I could never be in a dynamic where it's not just me and not even truly being in love with him why the hell am I in so much pain? Is it because he's something I can't reach now? Was I secretly hoping to spend more time with him? Or is it because it was just the beginning and I only saw the good parts like a movie trailer? Because I couldn't help but think If he's like this towards someone he isn't even in love with how good would I feel if he was actually in love with me? It's been 10 days now and I'm patiently waiting for this pain to subside.
Last updated on:2025-06-18T20:51:02+05:30
Comments (8)
You’re processing a lot of emotions right now and it’s okay to feel confused. Sometimes the pain comes from what we imagined could have been not necessarily what was.
You’re feeling this pain because you cared and that’s a beautiful thing.
It’s okay to feel conflicted. Sometimes we miss the comfort and connection more than the person themselves and that’s a valid and human experience.
It’s hard to let go of someone who made you feel so cared for even if there were red flags. Give yourself time to heal and reflect you’ll find clarity as the pain subsides.
You’re grieving the potential of what could have been and that’s okay. It’s hard to let go of someone who made you feel so seen and cared for even if it wasn’t meant to last.
It sounds like you’re mourning the idea of what the relationship could have been if circumstances were different. Be kind to yourself healing takes time.
t’s natural to feel this way when someone leaves such a strong impression on you. You’re not just letting go of him but also the hope and potential you saw in the relationship.
It’s completely normal to feel this way. Even if you weren’t fully in love the connection you shared was meaningful and letting go of that can be incredibly painful.