She was my first love for real. We were only together a couple year met I haven't spoken to her all this time but not a single day has passed where I don't think of her even if it's just in passing, though lately it's way more than that. I've never really talked to anybody about it and it feels awkward just typing this out. I miss so much about her her smile her voiceher cute little nicknames for me and the way she could make me feel like I was the king of the world. I miss all her hobbies and interests her fave movies and shows, and all the music she liked. I even miss the things she liked that went totally over my head like astrology. She was and still is just pure perfection.
I hate myself for not being good enough for her. I wake up every morning thinking about her and I lie down every night doing the same. In all these years I've never pursued another relationship hell I haven't even had a one night stand. All I can think about is her and for some strange reason I feel like I'd be betraying my love for her if I were to meet some other woman. Plus that's assuming I could ever meet another woman who could stand to be around me I've gone so numb I wouldn't even know how to attract anybody anyway. My tank's running on empty and every day I just wish it was my last on this earth. For anyone worried by that last line I'm far too cowardly to ever actually do anything fatal to myself I just wish I'd go to sleep and not wake up again.
She's since married another man and has three children with him. I don't hold any animosity or ill will toward her I'm so grateful that she's happy at least I hope that she's happy. She used to struggle with depression and anxiety and I can only hope she's overcome all of that and is living her best life and being the best mom ever. She was my whole world the sun that my universe revolved around. I sometimes wonder if she ever thinks about me but then I remind myself that she's probably long since forgotten about me. Or maybe she only remembers the bad things about me. Either way I'm sure if she ever does think about me it's not bringing a smile to her face.
Last updated on:2025-07-04T19:06:02+05:30
Comments (8)
It’s clear how much she meant to you and it’s okay to feel this way. Take it one step at a time you’re stronger than you think
Your emotions are so raw and real. It’s clear how much she meant to you. I hope you find peace and healing in time.
First loves are unforgettable and it’s okay to feel this way
This really touched me. It’s hard to move on from someone who meant so much but you deserve happiness too.
I wake everyday and think of her still and most of the day. I can relate to this entire thread. Sucks that she is the one I chose to love forever.
Honestly it feels like we don't really get to choose for real. But yeah I get what you mean 100%. I wish I could actually bring myself to move on and meet someone new but I don't even feel worthy of anyone's love right now.
Your love is so fierce and strong. I hope you learn to love yourself the same way you love her. Then I pray you find another and you'll both love one another that deeply. Your love is beautiful, pour it into yourself ❤️
thanks....