I was wondering why it hurts so much today

I was wondering why it hurts so much today. I just realized that it's been exactly one month since he left—since we said goodbye. I've been trying to move on from him quickly, but it's been so hard to just flip a switch. I was loyal to him for three years. My heart feels so heavy. I get triggered by the smallest things, and every demand feels like it's breaking me apart.

It doesn't help that I work in the ICU, or that I'm the breadwinner in my family and the needs never cease. I couldn't catch a break even if I wanted to. I can't even forgive him for deciding that we weren't worth fighting for, even though I took part in that decision.

I met a guy recently and thought we hit it off, but he never followed up. He keeps watching my stories on Instagram and even likes some of them. I'm not sure if he's waiting for me to make the first move, but that triggered me because my ex did the same thing—he got my number but didn't text me first until I did. I'm not going to fall for that again. I don't have time to pursue guys who need convincing that you're worth their time.

Then I met someone else. He's nice, we made great dance partners, and he wanted to go out with me, but I shut down. He followed up, but I can't force myself to be emotionally available for him. It messed me up, feeling so traumatized that the hope for something good is too much for my jaded heart right now. I feel so hurt and numb at the same time, like my heart can't function the same way. My ex still lingers in my heart and mind, taking up space he no longer deserves.

I feel so defeated and exhausted.

Last updated on:2025-07-15T05:27:02+05:30