I broke no contact, again. My ex and I had one last conversation that was very painful and also very long. I think I finally understood that he simply doesn’t love me anymore. In a way, I don’t think he’s a bad person—he just went through his grieving process while we were still in the relationship, and I didn’t, and that hurts me a lot. But I think that, in the end, I have to learn to let him go.
He offered to be friends, but I think that, because during the relationship I allowed him to hurt me in many ways—and allowed myself to be in such a vulnerable position—it wouldn’t be healthy for either of us. I still have a lot of feelings for him and I had so much hope that we could be together again. I think those hopes completely ended yesterday, because I believe he made it very clear that he no longer sees me as a partner. However, he still cares about me, and I also feel that all of this has caused him to carry a heavy sense of guilt. And I don’t want to interrupt or interfere in his life.
I don’t really know how to go through this process—I don’t know how to let him go. It’s honestly something that’s incredibly hard for me. I think that, at some point, beyond love, I was already in a place of obsession, which wasn’t healthy and didn’t lead to healthy situations. On the contrary, I think that forcing this relationship over the past year only made us see versions of each other that we were never meant to see. And we should have ended this with love. I think, in a way, yesterday we finally did. Still, I believe there were so many things we could have avoided.
I think that, for me, there may never be a point where I can simply see him as a friend. Honestly, I don’t think he deserves to have me in his life in that way, because if he chose to stop being with me as a partner, that means he, in a way, accepted no longer having me in his life. And I believe that being there as a friend and staying present in his life won’t truly allow him to face the consequences of his decisions—and it won’t help me either, because I’d be in a place or a role that I never wanted to be in to begin with.I think what hurts me the most about this whole situation is knowing that he doesn’t miss me—and probably never will. I guess, in a way, that sounds pretty selfish. But I feel like knowing that he missed me, or would miss me, or wanted me back, would have made me feel better—because it would’ve meant that I truly mattered, that I really meant something to him. But I don’t feel like that’s the case. I think maybe I was special to him, maybe I did mean a lot, but it’s like he’s simply made peace with the idea that he doesn’t love me and doesn’t want to be with me anymore. And that’s what hurts the most.
Knowing that despite how much I tried, how loving, loyal, and kind I was—even when I shouldn’t have been—and how much I gave, in the end, I wasn’t someone he misses. I wasn’t someone whose absence truly hurts him. It feels like a blow not just to my ego but to all the effort I put in. And honestly, it feels like a personal failure, because I was truly in love and I genuinely wanted a future with him.
Last updated on:2025-07-17T05:10:03+05:30
Comments (8)
I can feel how much this hurts but it sounds like you’re starting to find clarity
You’re showing so much strength by acknowledging what’s healthy for you and what isn’t. It’s hard to let go but you’re already taking steps in the right direction
It’s so painful to realize someone doesn’t feel the same way especially after so much time.
it’s brave of you to face these feelings head-on. Letting go is never easy espeially when you cared so deeply.
That sounds so incredibly hard to process. You gave so much of yourself and it’s okay to feel hurt and disappointed.
Wow. I'm going through the exact same thing right now.
Jesus this hit way too close to what I'm going through right now. it hurts and I miss her so much. Nice to know I'm not alone
it wasn't a personal failure, it'll hurt for a while. but you are allowed to grieve and feel the pain that comes along with loosing somebody you had been with for so long. You've come so far, even if you broke no contact, and that's a huge thing. you're think more about yourself and now what he would like you to be. I'm so proud of you for deciding not to be friends with him as it would've only lead to so much more pain down the road. You're doing amazing and you deserve the world so please don't dwell on the past, the only way to truly move forward is to decide when you've finally had enough. you are so strong and I know, even if I may not know you personally, that you'll make it through this and come out stronger than before.