I practically am acting like a desperate loser this morning, asking my ex if we’re 100% done and if he’s 100% done with me, and he’s saying yes in no unclear terms and that he doesn’t think this can be fixed. But here I am, telling him I think we just need to get through our personal shit and that we could try again in the future, that I think what we had once is worth trying to save if it means being separate for now. He’s taking it great, I’m spiraling out. I have anxious attachment for sure and wish I could just play it cool and tell him fine then, bye and go no contact but I’m in pain at the thought that we’re really over. I loved his extended family & they loved me, I loved his kids, my kid loved him, we were long distance but he became my world. Trying to immigrate to him, make this work. Immigration took forever, it stressed me out, I panicked time and again that I would hate it there but my life here is so lonely. I was widowed and single and lonely with a young kid for so long that when I finally found him, and true love again, it’s like I reawoke. My heart felt like it found its home. It was always visits for us, we never got to find our groove and it got very expensive to keep doing. He is still in the midst of a divorce that has lasted years, she’s going to get a bunch of his money. Money became a huge problem and focus for us, I started to freak out that I’d be leaving my house that I own and life to move to a place of instability and being broke in our 40s. That fear in me planted seeds of uncertainty in him. We knew all along trying long distance from two different countries was going to be an uphill battle, but I thought our bond would always pull us back together. Lately, our visits have had some fights, the last visit that I just came home from sealed the deal apparently. I felt done too. He is overly sensitive to everything I said, blamed me for any discord or disagreement we had, we were never so far out of tune. We slept in separate bedrooms several nights during the two weeks, one day we were pretty much broken up and I convinced him to try again and we did until our final fight the night before I left. I just feel like money has made him have one foot out of the door for a while now and he has lost respect for me, treated me more impatiently, raised his voice when I wasn’t, it made ME say I wanted to break up a day before I left. In a way I still do, and know the time apart will serve us both. What I can’t live with is thinking it’s forever, and I know that’s what time tends to do, end things for good. Ugggh what’s wrong with me? I know I need to work on my depression & be more happy in general, but why am I just making myself look more stupid by texting him?
Last updated on:2025-07-29T02:36:59+05:30
Comments (13)
same. long distance deep love so much sacrifice and still not enough. spiraling after the final goodbye felt like i was grieving a death. you’re not alone.
I’m sorry. It’s the absolute worst
you’re not stupid. you’re heartbroken. and when your nervous system is in survival mode you do whatever it takes to feel safe. texting him is that. it doesn’t make you weak, it makes you human
ugh this hurt to read. i've been exactly where you are begging someone to not let go while knowing deep down it’s already slipping. i kept trying to hold the version of him i first loved. it’s brutal.
it is hard I'm still in denial that my relationship with my sons dad is over I wanted to spend my whole life with him but also had alot of problems because of money and time he had another kid with his ex and also was taking so long to divorce and he stopped trying and it was because he was busy with someone else and now I'm here alone with my son.
I’m sorry. When I met mine, I wanted another kid with him too, he was snipped but said maybe someday when we were living together he’d get a reversal and we could add to our family. Then that dream died with all the money issues that kept taking center stage, meanwhile I STILL couldn’t move there because I have an elementary aged kid in school and so I tried to get there in an official way. Now I’m alone with my son too, but the sad thing is that not only did he lose his dad when he passed away, he loved my boyfriend and is losing him and potential siblings too. We were so confident in our relationship, we introduced kids, family, best friends to each other. Now I’m just going to have all these people who I wanted to have as part of my life leave too because we’re over. So depressing
@DropNest23 it's hard to accept when you just want a family cheating is one thing but he left us for her.
I also suffer from depression. It makes it harder to move on. I got on anti depressants. Now my dose is too high and I'm spiraling again. You are not alone.
I felt like if I had just gotten back on them sooner, maybe I could have fixed something, been better to him with his problems somehow, but I couldn’t because I didn’t.
I can see how much pain and love you’re holding, and I’m so sorry you’re feeling this way. You gave your heart fully, and that takes so much courage. Please be kind to yourself right now , you deserve the same love and care you’ve been trying to give. Sometimes stepping back isn’t losing, it’s giving both your heart and mind the space to heal and find clarity. You’re not stupid for reaching out, you’re human , but maybe it’s time to reach inward and give that love to yourself
I would, I just don’t know how. I’m booked for therapy on Tuesday but I keep wanting to blame myself for the breakup. Like why am I in a crying jag all day not wanting to leave the bed and he’s taking it so easily and is convinced we ran our course and “this” isn’t what he wants. I told him I don’t want this either and I want us both to find each other when we’re both in better places, I haven’t met anyone like him since my high school sweetheart and I remember telling myself no matter what you can’t let this one go because he’s amazing and it’s taken you this long to find him… and every near break up that we had recently and we got back together was another chance and I didn’t fully make the most of it, but I don’t think he was going to give it his all right now anymore anyway so I don’t know why it all hurts so bad. this isn’t my first break up, but it feels like my heart is being ripped out of my chest, and my mind can’t fully comprehend that this is really the end with him like, how can it be?
@DropNest23 I’ve just been through so much loss already. I was widowed at 36 and didn’t really date much, find anyone I liked or clicked with except ONE other person that didn’t want anything serious. I wasn’t looking for him and found him on a cruise and we loved that story, it was so magical for us to both be so into our relationship in the beginning, both putting 200%. But I lost my husband and didn’t find this boyfriend until I was 40. I felt he was my second chance and we both felt we were the love of each other’s lives. I don’t know when the conflict really started but it ruined everything
@DropNest23 I can feel how deeply you loved him and how much this loss is shaking your heart. Nothing about what you’re feeling is wrong , it hurts so much because it mattered so much. You’ve been through so much loss and still had the courage to love again, and that’s incredibly strong. It’s not your fault that things changed or that he isn’t fighting for this right now. Healing takes time, and it’s okay to grieve like this , your heart is processing something huge. Therapy on Tuesday will be a safe place to unpack this pain, but for now, please just be gentle with yourself. You didn’t fail, and love doesn’t end just because the relationship did. You will get through this, even if right now it feels impossible and I know it may seem that he was the only soulmate for you but I'm sure there are plenty of people that will cherish your love and understand you and you will love again you're still young