so these feelings are confusing

so these feelings are confusing... but im glowing more than ever without him. he could make me so happy and the sex would be great.... but then something would trigger me (him not communicating, or not caring about how I feel, js being defensive and making me the bad guy for asking for respect) and id crash out :(
he said he feels bad about hurting me but still did the things that hurt me. I wonder whats its like to be that deluded in his ego. I had been pushed to a point where my heart couldn't take it anymore And I said I was thinking we should breakup because it fdlt like things were never going to be good. but gosh the attachment kicked in and I wanted us to talk it through. we talked about our breakup FIVE times until we finally did it. we knew it wasnt working but we didnt want to let go. we still said i love you. I hate saying I love you while breaking up. so many memories we made together. he was so special to me, he came into my life and made me feel real and brought excitment, love, new experiences, fun. he also brought pain, dishonesty, disrespect, immaturity, an unhealed heart, lust, pride. his arms were a place i could finally relax yet the way he treated me made me so anxious. there is judt so much to unpack here. I think it was definitely karmic, our meeting was gated, but in order to push us to change and reveal where were broken. but god, if its meant to be, and we heal, and he doesnt have a hoe phase, he becomes a godly man with love in his being. It'd be great if we met again then and fell in love again, but this time right. something truly was special about our connection. or maybe not...

Last updated on:2025-07-31T06:42:02+05:30