I broke no contact after 3 months. I was really missing him, and it's been difficult because we work together. We have been joking and kinda awkward at work, both of us thawing after I didn't talk to him much for a long time. I messaged him last night for the first time. It started with a silly meme that he reacted with positively, but then said that he didn't think I would talk to him again because he heard that I said he was mean. I don't remember specifically what I said, but I'm pretty sure a friend I vented to told him. I vented to a few girl friends I thought I could trust, but clearly I either wasn't discreet enough or my trust was misplaced. I know I shouldn't have vented as emotionally as I did. I asked him if he wanted me to leave him alone, and he said no. I apologized and explained briefly without over explaining that I got scared and freaked out. He is a very brief and vague texter, and I'm thinking avoidant. So some of his answers confused me. I told him I was scared, and he asked why, so when I told him I was scared of him hating me, he said he didn't. twice, he said no when I asked if he wanted me to leave be. He apologized when I said that I had been hurt before and was scared because I liked him, and I told him he wasn't the one that should be sorry. And when I said to him that I would still be sending him memes (to tell him that I was still around despite my mess up) he said very well. now, I'm trying to keep it together. I am scared of when I see him next, that he really does hate me, and that everyone will be mad at me. I know that I messed up, and I'm hating myself.
Last updated on:2025-08-04T08:51:49+05:30
Comments (12)
he’s not mad. sounds like you’re overthinking way more than he is.
thank you ❤️ I've been working on my anxiety, but some days it feels like it's two steps forward, one step back. teaching myself that the worst outcome isn't always to be expected is my current journey.
i’ve said too much to friends before and it came back around. it sucks. i don’t think you messed up as bad as it feels right now.
thank you for your comment ❤️ I appreciate you saying that. I'm trying to remind myself it'll be ok and not spiral. it may suck for now, but time helps
i hate that feeling. where you open up to the wrong people and now it’s like everyone knows your mess. and him being weirdly polite about it all makes it worse somehow. like i’d rather he yell.
right? I wish he would yell at me. and I second guess if he even wants me to talk to him, even though when I asked if he wanted me to leave him alone, he said no. when I asked if he hates me, he said he doesn't. it's like it's enough but not at the same time
also, thank you for your comment ❤️ it's always nice to know we aren't alone
this is the worst feeling. when you finally say something and then you’re left with a “very well” like what the hell does that even mean. i've been there. the vague replies, the second guessing, the shame hangover. here is the thing.. you don’t owe the whole world perfection. not even him. not even your friends. let them be mad if they are, you told your truth.
thank you ❤️ Im going to focus on myself and what I can do, and I'm going to focus on the people I know love me and won't abandon me. it sucks that the vague replies were just enough, but not. like he said no twice when I said I could leave him be if he wanted, and he also said he didn't hate me. then he hits me with the vague, very well, when I said I would be reaching out. Its like a green light, but not because I can't tell if it's him wanting to talk to me or avoid any discomfort
it doesn’t sound like you messed up as much as you’re telling yourself you did. you were honest. scared. you reached out gently. he responded, even if it was vague. sometimes people show up in half sentences and we read them like novels... next you see him doesn’t have to be some major thingi. just be chill.
thank you, I really appreciate your comment ❤️ you're right, and im letting my anxiety definitely get the best of me. I think I'm going to go into it with best case scenario, be kind to him, but try to focus on remembering that there are people who love me that won't abandon me.
@SadStarburst 🤗🤗🤗