I am the villain now

I am the villain now, I am losing control.

It’s been a month since my breakup (let's call him "Paul") and I’m really struggling.

Then there is my ex-ex boyfriend, “Jacob”, we were together for 3 years. He lives close by, and we have a dog in "shared custody", so we’ve been in regular contact since we broke up. Jacob has what I lacked in Paul: he’s sensitive and deeply understands me like no one ever did. But he’s not someone I can build a future with — he is very lost in life, has financial and mental health struggles, also betrayed me once in the past. Ending that relationship hurt him deeply, and when he learned I’d started dating Paul, he went through a breakdown that worried his family and me to the point of concern he may hurt himself...

After my breakup with Paul, Jacob reached out, hoping for another chance or at least a friends-with-benefits situation. I refused at first, but on a particularly bad day (also my dad’s death anniversary), I let him in. For the past 2 weeks, we’ve been seeing each other — walks, deep talks, movies and sex...

I’m very clear that we won't get back together, I even keep telling him I’m selfishly using his comfort to cope. He insists he’s okay with it, but I know it’s very wrong. I’m leaning on him to numb the pain caused by another man, and I may be setting him up for more hurt later.

I hate that I’m doing this, but I’m not coping well with the loneliness, and I gave in to the comfort of someone who still knows me best, ignoring my guilt I may badly hurt someone I care about. I know I should deal with my pain alone, but I slipped and feel unable to get out.

Last updated on:2025-08-05T04:09:02+05:30