Day 45 and today I just feel like I have been wanting to just hide away and shut my phone off. I am 35, I have went through 2 severely abusive narcissistic marriages, the first one 9 years and then the second 4 years. I feel like I failed because when I met number 2 he seemed to have been everything I had wanted, I thought was a man of God and he was emotionally responsive just for when the masks dropped put me through the worst abuse of my life and even worse than the first that had mostly mental and verbal, financial ect. I have a hard time looking at myself in the mirror, I hear in my head on repeat the defamination things that would be said about my body and I dont feel beautiful. I feel tainted, wounded and it blows my mind how people could make you feel like finest jewels in the world just to decide your worth at the end of the day that leave your self esteem in ashes. I know this is healing but trying to see the other side of the tunnel doesnt seem to be in sight.
Last updated on:2025-08-11T05:22:02+05:30
Comments (3)
he thought the second would be different. instead it felt like starting over with more damage than before
i used to avoid mirrors too. not cause i hated how i looked, but cause it hurt to see what he made me believe. it changes, just slower than i wanted.
yeah i remember thinking i found the safe one too. turned out worse than the first. still pisses me off i let them close enough to ruin more of me.