Hi everyone, I’m really struggling with the urge to check my ex’s socials. The breakup wasn’t dramatic she just fell out of love with me so I didn’t feel the need to block her everywhere. I’ve decided to do no contact and today is only my first day. I kept myself busy earlier and felt okay this morning, but now that I’ve got a bit of downtime it’s hit me harder. As the day’s gone on, the sinking feeling has slowly drifted back into my heart. Does anyone have tips for fighting the urge to check her profiles when these feelings come up?
Last updated on:2025-08-23T06:09:02+05:30
Comments (8)
i notice you already know downtime is when it creeps in. that’s when the pull gets strongest. not really about her posts, more about filling silence. the urge softens once you see it like tha
first day feeling endless. mornings felt ok then night hit and i caved. what helped me was texting a friend instead of looking. it didn’t erase the pain but at least i wasn’t alone in the spiral.
i used to refresh my ex’s instagram like it was oxygen. every picture pissed me off but i couldn’t stop. eventually i realized i was just hurting myself on purpose. i deleted the apps for a while. not cause i was strong just cause i was tired of bleeding out every scroll.
I understand how you felt. My ex broke up with me 2 years ago and only few days ago I decided to cut all contact with him secretly. We argued a lot because I wanted to heal by cutting contact but he just wouldn’t let me and can’t leave me alone so I decided to just be friends with him and it is so so hard to heal. I keep stalking his profile almost everyday and getting anxious the thought of him finding a new girl. I couldn’t let him go as well while he’s happy that he’s finally free and it really hurts ngl. Few days ago, I realised he met someone and didnt even bother to tell me so he can keep contacting me since I already told him before that if he meet someone new, I will cut him off because I don’t want to cling on him while he’s seeing someone else but for some reason he hates the idea of it. Eventually I decided to do no contact. However, I still have the urge to stalk his gf and his account almost every hour and finally I couldn’t take it anymore so I blocked him everywhere, stop sharing our locations and delete our shared album. Everyone is different tho but personally I think blocking him really helps me to move on and heal. Talking to my friends about it helps me as well and idk why for some reason after I cut contact with him, my Fyp are full with reminder and motivation videos which kinda helps me to stop overthinking. So everytime I have the urge to stalk him or his gf, I will find something to do or watch something to distract myself or talking to my friends to get rid the thoughts. Those videos in my fyp really give me some reality check and I saved some of the videos so anytime when I started to get anxious or have the urge to stalk him I will keep watching those video to remind myself not to waste my energy and time on someone like him. If any of these is not working for you, you can find other ways to move on and it’s alright if it takes longer than you expected because that’s how hearing works. Keep yourself busy as well but at the same time please have some time for yourself to process every emotions. It is important to sit with your feelings and let yourself process them. Keeping yourself busy or avoid facing it will make it worse for your mental health. it is uncomfortable when you have to process all the emotions but trust me you will get better. It took me almost 2 years to process everything and it is not easy so do not beat yourself up if it takes longer than you expect. I hope nothing but the best for you and you’ll get through this even though it looks impossible at first 🫂
I really get what you’re saying, thanks for your advice I'll try it out.. My ex told me she wants to stay friends too, but I know I can’t right now I still love her and it would hurt me too much, just like it did for you. I’ve been going through the flat, moving my stuff out of the way and packing some of hers, leaving them for her to collect when I’m not there because I know seeing her would set me back. The thought of her being with someone else makes me feel sick too after 4 years together I never once saw any of her exes, then yesterday at the driving range I saw a lad and instantly thought ‘he’ll be in her DMs.’ But i can’t control that, only how I respond. the feeling is the worst feeling in the world but Journaling, writing short-term goals, and keeping myself busy have helped a little, though I still get that sinking feeling in my chest and stomach and it’s exhausting. Sometimes I just let myself cry and accept it. Hopefully in 6 months, a year, or however long it takes, I’ll be in a stronger place. Maybe our paths will cross again, maybe not and part of the beauty is that once you’ve healed, you might not even want them back. I just know it's going to be hard. it feels harder than my first breakup wiht someone else after they cheated. Thanks again for sharing your story, it makes me feel less alone in this.
In the beginning I used to have a wrist band that I would snap it at my wrist when I had the urge to do it, it worked somehow.
I was just reading your profile and I’ve got to say, I’m actually pretty proud of your progress. Funnily enough I was about to comment on your post too. That wristband trick you mentioned is a really good shout I’m going to give it a try. This is my 2nd major breakup and I’m finding this one really hard, but seeing how you’re handling yours gives me a bit of hope. It’s mad how we’re all finding different little tricks to stop ourselves checking and keep focused on moving forward
@TurboBuzz261 Thank you. I have had 3 break ups(two were pretty lame since i was still young and dumb), but this one hit me so so bad, I was in such a bad state of mind that it affected me way more than it should ve given the circumstances. My anxious-secure attachment doesn't help either in this case. But I m actually glad it gives you a bit of courage. And yeah, it's somewhat sad that we find some habits to stop other habits, but as long as it works and just heals us, I say it s a win for both of 🙌. good luck brother, here if you need someone