Dear Clark

Dear Clark,

Last night, I dreamed of you again. I don't remember all the details, but the part that stayed with me was simple, almost ordinary. We were out with my friends, sitting in a restaurant. You got up, walked to the counter, and came back holding a box of three doughnuts. One with mango on top, one with pineapple, and the third, I couldn't tell if it was peach or strawberry. It sounds so small, doesn't it? Just doughnuts. But in the dream, it was everything. It was you bringing me something sweet, choosing something for us to share, like you used to.

When I woke up, the dream dissolved and I was back in the hospital. White walls, machines, bruises on my arms. And you weren't here. You haven't been here in weeks, and I don't think you'll ever be again. But that dream, it felt real. Real enough to remind me of the tenderness we once had. Real enough to make me miss you all over again.

I wonder sometimes if you dream of me too. If your heart still remembers me in the quiet hours when your mind has moved on. Maybe you don't. Maybe you sleep peacefully without the weight of me. But my heart keeps you alive in my dreams, Clark. Even when I don't want it to. Even when it hurts to wake up.

These past weeks in the hospital have been hard. My body is tired, my heart is tired. There were moments I thought I wouldn't make it through the night. And in those moments, it was your name that came to mind. I wanted your steady presence, your hand in mine, the comfort of your eyes telling me I was safe. You used to do that so naturally: remind me I wasn't alone. I miss that more than I can put into words.

The box of three doughnuts almost feels symbolic. Mango for the sweetness of what we had. Pineapple for the sharp ache of losing you. And the last one, the mystery one, for the unknown future. Will it be something tender, something painful, something I never expected? I don't know. But I do know this: you were my mango, Clark. Sweet, bright, unforgettable. And even when life gave me pineapple, the sting, I still hold the sweetness close.

Sometimes I catch myself wondering if you ever think of me when you see something small? Like doughnuts, or a shared playlist, or a place we once went together. Do I cross your mind for even a second? Or have I become just another part of your past? I don't know the answer, and maybe I never will. But what I do know is that you mattered. We mattered. And no amount of silence or distance can erase that.

I want you to know something, even if you never read this. Even if these words stay tucked away forever: you didn't erase me. I was real. We were real. Every laugh, every late-night call, every fight, every reconciliation, every quiet moment where we simply existed together, it all mattered. It still matters to me. And I'll carry it with me, not with regret, but with softness.

Clark, I still love you. I don't know if that will ever change. Maybe it will soften, maybe it will fade into something quieter, but right now, in this moment, it's still here. Heavy, aching, but also beautiful. Because to love someone like I loved you is a gift, even if it ends in heartbreak.

I don't know where you are right now, what you're doing, if you're smiling or laughing with someone new. But I hope you're okay. I hope you're happy. And I hope, even if just for a fleeting second, you remember me with a little warmth. The way I'll always remember you.

Thank you for the sweetness, Clark. Thank you for the mango, the pineapple, and even the unknown. Thank you for being a part of my life in a way no one else ever was. Even if this is where our story ends, I'll always be grateful for the chapters we shared.

Always,
Alyssa (Phineas, Arlo, Fifi, and Mang)

Last updated on:2025-08-24T18:58:03+05:30